Biggus
03-01-2013, 06:03 AM
ASK A STUPID QUESTION # 1
As I came out of the chippy
With two steak and kidney pies
Large chips and mushy peas,
An old wino, with sad eyes
Said “I haven’t eaten for two days”
Pausing I looked to the skies
Then I replied “I wish that I
Had will power like you guys”
KFC FAT CONTENT
An obese girl served me today
When I went in to KFC
She said “sorry about the wait.”
All smiley and friendly
I replied “don't worry dear,
You might lose it eventually”
WOMEN ARE NOT MOODY
Women are not moody
Not a bit of it
Its just they have days
When, lets face it
They are not prepared
To put up with the ****
COQ AU VAN
I tried cooking with wine last night
But it didn’t go very well therein
After five generous glasses
I forgot why I was in the kitchen
OK STEVE
He said “it’s Stephen with a PH”
Which I thought pedantic
But he wasn’t a fussy git at all
He was just very acidic
THE FIRE OFFICER’S INSPECTION
The fire officer did his inspection today
And he asked me “In the event of a fire,
Tell me what steps would you take?"
I replied "Bloody big ones" squire
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS
I am blessed with friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
An abundance of riches
My friend’s numbers are Rife
And when mixed together
They are the fruit cake of life
BLEAK FORECAST
There was Snow in the forecast!
And the TV weather girl said
“I’m expecting 8 inches tonight”
I thought to myself, “what a big head”
And anyway with a face like that
She’d need her vibrator Instead
As I came out of the chippy
With two steak and kidney pies
Large chips and mushy peas,
An old wino, with sad eyes
Said “I haven’t eaten for two days”
Pausing I looked to the skies
Then I replied “I wish that I
Had will power like you guys”
KFC FAT CONTENT
An obese girl served me today
When I went in to KFC
She said “sorry about the wait.”
All smiley and friendly
I replied “don't worry dear,
You might lose it eventually”
WOMEN ARE NOT MOODY
Women are not moody
Not a bit of it
Its just they have days
When, lets face it
They are not prepared
To put up with the ****
COQ AU VAN
I tried cooking with wine last night
But it didn’t go very well therein
After five generous glasses
I forgot why I was in the kitchen
OK STEVE
He said “it’s Stephen with a PH”
Which I thought pedantic
But he wasn’t a fussy git at all
He was just very acidic
THE FIRE OFFICER’S INSPECTION
The fire officer did his inspection today
And he asked me “In the event of a fire,
Tell me what steps would you take?"
I replied "Bloody big ones" squire
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS
I am blessed with friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
An abundance of riches
My friend’s numbers are Rife
And when mixed together
They are the fruit cake of life
BLEAK FORECAST
There was Snow in the forecast!
And the TV weather girl said
“I’m expecting 8 inches tonight”
I thought to myself, “what a big head”
And anyway with a face like that
She’d need her vibrator Instead