beneath the claim

[cacian]

life is a claim
to philos of
blame
that drags the name
to wriggle with
shame
too much of lame
becomes a strain
remove the stem
that trods the
fame
life is a dame
and see it same
alongside
the tame
the esteemed
the fave

[islandclimber]

Even from points of textual analysis where authorial identity is unstable, where a single and discernible intent is a fictional construct, where I reject ideas of single meaning and singular existence of a work... even from there, nothing is to be found in this piece. Gibberish loosely dressed as an esoteric nursery rhyme perhaps?

Yet, I fear this offers too much...

[deryk]

life is a claim
to philos of
blame
that drags the name
to wriggle with
shame
too much of lame
becomes a strain
remove the stem
that trods the
fame
life is a dame
and see it same
alongside
the tame
the esteemed
the fave

I can't penetrate the rhyme scheme. Try removing it temporarily.

[cacian]

Even from points of textual analysis where authorial identity is unstable, where a single and discernible intent is a fictional construct, where I reject ideas of single meaning and singular existence of a work... even from there, nothing is to be found in this piece. Gibberish loosely dressed as an esoteric nursery rhyme perhaps?

Yet, I fear this offers too much...
islandclimber I appreciate your detailed feedback. It is very constructive. I take your valid points with much appreciation :)

[cacian]

I can't penetrate the rhyme scheme. Try removing it temporarily.

Haha deryk I will try but I do not seem to be able to let go LOL anyway I will go and construct one without scheme and may or may not post it in this thread:)