Biggus
02-25-2013, 05:45 AM
WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 3
When my Gran got out of bed
After bedding one of her chaps
She felt pains down below
Coz she was standing on her flaps
MY PHILOSOPHY ON LIFE IS THIS
My philosophy on life is this
Whatever life throws at me
Without thinking I pick it up
And throw it back instantly
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
NICE ONE JAMIE
My children can never forgive
That interfering Jamie Oliver
For bring about the early demise
Of their favourite Turkey Twizzler
LOST PROPERTY
I left two bottles of Whisky
On the train to Prestatyn
I thought them gone for ever
Until a nice man called Glynn
Of the lost property office
Telephoned me from Prestatyn
To say the man who found them
Had just been handed in
CHARITY PLEADERS # 2
Just 3 pounds a month
From me and you
Will help to pay the lease
On their luxury HQ
I HAVE MY FIVE A DAY
I have my five a day
Every day of the week
Here is today’s list
Just you have a peek
Two Fig Newton’s and
A banana milk shake
One chocolate orange
And a carrot cake
DEPRESSED DRINKER
I used to have a coping strategy
For when things got grim
I would try to drown my sorrows
But the bastards learned how to swim
When my Gran got out of bed
After bedding one of her chaps
She felt pains down below
Coz she was standing on her flaps
MY PHILOSOPHY ON LIFE IS THIS
My philosophy on life is this
Whatever life throws at me
Without thinking I pick it up
And throw it back instantly
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
NICE ONE JAMIE
My children can never forgive
That interfering Jamie Oliver
For bring about the early demise
Of their favourite Turkey Twizzler
LOST PROPERTY
I left two bottles of Whisky
On the train to Prestatyn
I thought them gone for ever
Until a nice man called Glynn
Of the lost property office
Telephoned me from Prestatyn
To say the man who found them
Had just been handed in
CHARITY PLEADERS # 2
Just 3 pounds a month
From me and you
Will help to pay the lease
On their luxury HQ
I HAVE MY FIVE A DAY
I have my five a day
Every day of the week
Here is today’s list
Just you have a peek
Two Fig Newton’s and
A banana milk shake
One chocolate orange
And a carrot cake
DEPRESSED DRINKER
I used to have a coping strategy
For when things got grim
I would try to drown my sorrows
But the bastards learned how to swim