WHY MEN LOVE *****es??

[liza]

WHY MEN LOVE B i t c h e s

Someone recommend me to read this book. I don’t like very much reading books .. but ‘relationships’ is my favorite subject. :) So I read it all .. 286 pages :). I found myself in this book. The nice girl she is describing in the book .. is me .. I have done everything a nice girl would do in a relationship.. everything .. I had been the Doormat girl not the Dreamgirl according to the book .. I will totally agree with the writer.. I would recommend this book to all woman age 20 – 40 :). Below are some of my favorite quotes ..

“It isn’t about looks; gorgeous women get dumped every day. It isn’t about intelligence. Women of all types, from brilliant women to women with the IQ equivalent of plant life, pull it off every day. It’s about mystery and learning how to create intrigue.”

“The biggest variable between a ***** and a woman who is too nice is fear. The ***** shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.”

“If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the ***** will prioritize her dignity above all else.”

“And, unlike the nice girl, she is not too tolerant of disrespect.”

“There is a difference between honesty and disclosure. She is honest but does not reveal everything. She isn’t verbally putting her cards on the table. Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.”

“He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.”

“the mental challenge has to do with whether you expect to be respected. It has to do with how you relate to him. It has to do with whether he knows that you aren’t afraid to be without him.”

Ok.. I know that most men will find this stupid and boring .. and that this is too “sex an the city” .. I would like to read your opinion about this issue :) thank you..

[YesNo]

It seems that men would prefer the dreamgirl to the doormat simply because there is too much fear in the doormat.

However, I wouldn't call the dreamgirl a b*tch. I would reserve that word for women with too much anger in them, the ones who want to turn their men into doormats. I can't see a man liking them either.

Controlling both fear and anger in a relationship is important for both partners to practice.

[Kafka's Crow]

Women love b@stards as well. It is all about human need for drama and hatred for boredom. B*****es and b@astards are more dramatic and exciting than plain simple, loving, compassionate, gentle boring people.

[cafolini]

Most men don't love them. But, with the exceptions in the madhouse, the noise is much bigger than representative.

[Scheherazade]

Didn't realise men had a preference for female canines...

[cafolini]

Spare a bit of the surprise. Next will come ones who will claim that Armenians had a preference for female baaaaaabies. LOL

[PeterL]

Didn't realise men had a preference for female canines...


Unfortunately, it takes all kinds.

[Sancho]

Whoa! I was way off track, completely off the reservation, not even close, when I read the title of this thread: Why do men love *****es? I can think of a bunch of more fun things that'd fit under those asterisks than, you know...

[liza]

I used the title of the book .. this is why the word b i t ch e s .. is not my idea .. : ) the writer use this word in a good sense..in the book b i t c h is the strong woman.. she doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man. B i t ch is good to be:) I shared this .. because I was thinking that sometimes in life .. small things .. like a book.. may become your inspiration.. and you see things in a different way .. books help :)

[Ecurb]

Didn't realise men had a preference for female canines...

You've never heard about "man's best friend"? By the way, I went to see all of the animated films nominated for Academy Awards the other day. My favorite (it didn't win) was called "Adam and Dog". Adam and the dog become friends, but, upon meeting Eve, Adam loses interest. When Adam is expelled from Eden, the dog thinks hard about what he wants to do, and then accompanies Adam into exile. (It's actually touching, the way the film tells the story, although my recap has failed to capture the mood.)

[liza]

OK .. I tried to write something .. and I don't understand .. the ironic .. sarcastic comments .. by most of you ..

[Scheherazade]

I can think of a bunch of more fun things that'd fit under those asterisks than, you know... C h a l l e n g e__e x t e n d e n d e d. (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?73961-Join-the-dots-es&p=1205115#post1205115)

Created another thread as I don't want to upset Liza anymore.

I apologise for derailing the thread, Lisa. Please carry on discussing the *****es and men's preference for them.

[liza]

ok thank you Scheherazade .. meanwhile lets see how many words will Sancho find : ) with *****es .. :)

[qimissung]

I'm not very good (read that as not at all) at creating mystery or allure. Mostly I would look for a great conversationalist. All the rest is so boring. However it doesn't seem to be the way the world works. If it's any consolation, Liza, it's just for the beginning of the relationship. At some point all these facades are going to have to be dropped. And there is a difference between being good and kind and being a doormat. It's more a question of do you like the person, or do you need them to validate you as a person? If it's the latter, there will be problems. Maybe it's just a matter of not revealing your feelings until they've revealed theirs. Men, young men, but maybe older ones, too, often (hate to generalize, but here it comes) often seem to find the fact that you have any feelings whatsoever for them as rather threatening, and so the offender gets the boot. Actually, I've done that on a few occasions, too. :D

[Buh4Bee]

I also think it's about can you get the man's attention and maintain it. Can you amuse your man, even after 15 years of marriage? I know that I can still amuse my husband by my selfish attitude. But mainly, at times, you have to make him work for it, because nothing is free. There is always a price to pay or a taxed owed. " You want your way now, but you are going to pay for it later." And when later comes, he knows he's paying and he knows why. I still make him work for it and he is motivated to do just that. I know how far to push him and then when to let go. He'll claim that I am the biggest B***** of them all. He'll ask me, "Why are you such a B****?" Because marriage is work and I'm going to make him work for it. That's what makes it so good; it makes us become better people together.

[qimissung]

I dunno, that sounds a little sexist, Buh4Bee.

[prendrelemick]

From a male perspective, b i tches can only go so far, because men are much simpler that that.

Men want sex. That nice thoughtful bookish man - he wants sex. That offhand dangerous rebel type - he wants sex. That alternative lifestyle guru - he wants sex. That Catholic Priest - ok, he has issues.

[osho]

Man craves to walk the uncharted path. Triteness or everyday humdrum is not his coffee. Today he takes a seep of one brand and he feels kind of queasiness and switch to a different taste and in this course swapping wives or girlfriends in some specific circumstance is not a new thing. Bit-ches or bast-ards – he does not care and he is already naked under his character mask. The real one who wants something exotic does not surface when things like culture or society block the valve of his desires

[Scheherazade]

I also think it's about can you get the man's attention and maintain it. Can you amuse your man, even after 15 years of marriage? I know that I can still amuse my husband by my selfish attitude. But mainly, at times, you have to make him work for it, because nothing is free. There is always a price to pay or a taxed owed. " You want your way now, but you are going to pay for it later." And when later comes, he knows he's paying and he knows why. I still make him work for it and he is motivated to do just that. I know how far to push him and then when to let go. He'll claim that I am the biggest B***** of them all. He'll ask me, "Why are you such a B****?" Because marriage is work and I'm going to make him work for it. That's what makes it so good; it makes us become better people together.What is this "it" you keep referring to, Buh4Bee? Pray, do enlighten us.

[cacian]

From a male perspective, b i tches can only go so far, because men are much simpler that that.

Men want sex. That nice thoughtful bookish man - he wants sex. That offhand dangerous rebel type - he wants sex. That alternative lifestyle guru - he wants sex. That Catholic Priest - ok, he has issues.

I don't know I think women are as much guilty of sex then men. :)
What does a 'b itch' does or look like? is may be a good way of approaching the subject. To link sex to being a b it ch is propably not the right approach.

[tonywalt]

It's always been my experience that women like "It" as much (and perhaps more...) than men and certainly once they are secure with a guy they like "It" that much more.

[ftil]

WHY MEN LOVE B i t c h e s

Someone recommend me to read this book. I don’t like very much reading books .. but ‘relationships’ is my favorite subject. :) So I read it all .. 286 pages :). I found myself in this book. The nice girl she is describing in the book .. is me .. I have done everything a nice girl would do in a relationship.. everything .. I had been the Doormat girl not the Dreamgirl according to the book .. I will totally agree with the writer.. I would recommend this book to all woman age 20 – 40 :). Below are some of my favorite quotes ..


I wouldn’t read this book after reading a few quotes. But to be honest, there was time I read books about relationships. Relationship is a quite fascinated subject and only a small percentage of people have deep and intimate relationships. I personally met only one couple, friends of my mother. When I met them, there had been married for 23 years, they had 4 children and very successful business they both managed. Everybody who knew them could feel deep love and caring for each other. It wasn’t a mask many people put. She wasn’t a ***** either.

Bowen, founder of Family System theory provides the best explanation about relationships. Unfortunately, many therapists who consider themselves feminists criticize it without understanding the depth of it. Many male therapists don’t get it either. To make it short, people who are high on Differentiation of Self Scale have deep and intimate relationships. The level of differentiation of the self, conceptualizes human functioning in which people are differentiated by their ability to distinguish the feeling process from the intellectual process. For example, fused, reactive emotional position reflects undifferentiation, considered by Bowen as dysfunctional. Those people experience lot’s of anxiety in close relationships, fuse with others, react to beliefs, attitudes, and values of others, trying to change them. Unfortunately, most relationships fit into that category.

Those who are high on the scale are principle-oriented or as described by Bowen “inner directed”.
They are secure within themselves and, as such, their functioning is not affected by either criticism or praise from others. They are able to engage in intense emotional relationships without trying to modify the life of another.

[liza]

thank you ftil :) when things goes wrong I use to read quotes and books to find answers .. :)

tonywalt .. for sure woman like it more :) is more inside us :) for man is easier .. you know what I mean ..

prendrelemick .. "Men want sex. That nice thoughtful bookish man - he wants sex. That offhand dangerous rebel type - he wants sex. That alternative lifestyle guru - he wants sex. That Catholic Priest - ok, he has issues."-----------.. I laugh all day with this ..

[ftil]

thank you ftil :) when things goes wrong I use to read quotes and books to find answers .. :)


I hear you. It may help for a while. I have done that too. From perspective, I may say that there are so many writers who can write but they can’t apply their theory in their lives. A relationship is interesting subject for many reasons and to have deep and intimate relationships is a hard work and only a few have inner strengths to undergo changes it requires. I wish it were so easy to be just about sex. :lol:

[Helga]

Books can make you feel better but just for a while I think, I think it's about finding someone your willing to work with. No soulmate crap or love of your life bull. Just someone you think you can be with for a long time. I read a book a few years ago and now there is a movie too called 'The Jane Austen book club' there was a women in it, can't remember her name but she says in the book that she has been married 5 or 6 times and that she would like to do it again. A very happy lady that would like to try it again. I like that attitude, don't have it but I like it.

I had a very 'evil' moment the other day when my brother had a problem with his wonderful girlfriend and I was so happy cause it reminded me that it can be just as hard to be in a relationship, even a loving one, as it is to be alone.

[Pensive]

“The biggest variable between a ***** and a woman who is too nice is fear. The ***** shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.”

“If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the ***** will prioritize her dignity above all else.”

“And, unlike the nice girl, she is not too tolerant of disrespect.”

The nicest women I know are very dignified and strong and care about their self-respect.


“There is a difference between honesty and disclosure. She is honest but does not reveal everything. She isn’t verbally putting her cards on the table. Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.”

“He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.”

“the mental challenge has to do with whether you expect to be respected. It has to do with how you relate to him. It has to do with whether he knows that you aren’t afraid to be without him.”

That's true probably.



I had a very 'evil' moment the other day when my brother had a problem with his wonderful girlfriend and I was so happy cause it reminded me that it can be just as hard to be in a relationship, even a loving one, as it is to be alone.

:D
But who says its hard being alone? Its very convenient and you can always put up a facebook cover like 'I am not alone. I am in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom' if somebody is having a hard time believing you. Seen people doing that. I guess it helps with the peer pressure or something.

[osho]

Finding someone amicable, understanding, lovable is a reward and the world becomes a better place to live in and the tempo of life will go faster and the entire world will shrink into your little cozy room with someone leaning to you and offering a rain of kisses. But the question is one of finding and one cannot easily find the one he or she is dreaming of and even if one does the lasting relationship is hard to come by if not impossible.

[ftil]

I read a book a few years ago and now there is a movie too called 'The Jane Austen book club' there was a women in it, can't remember her name but she says in the book that she has been married 5 or 6 times and that she would like to do it again. A very happy lady that would like to try it again. I like that attitude, don't have it but I like it.



I know a similar story from a real life but with a very different outcome. My neighbor was married 3 times and when his 3ed wife left him, it was a disaster. I have never seen before a person who aged so much in 4 months as he did after his separation. I was curious what happened and engaged him in a conversation. He had been married for 13 years with his first wife. 6 months after separation, he met his second wife and had been married for 7 years. 3 months after his second marriage ended, he met his 3ed wife and had been married for 3 years. When his third wife left, he said that the intensity of feelings he felt was overwhelming so that he could barely cope. The aging was a result of it. So I asked him if he worked through his feelings after first divorce. Of course, he didn’t and he didn’t do it after second and third divorce. So he carried his unresolved issues from the first marriage to the second and the third. He didn’t look at family patterns that were passed from generation to generation he brought with him to every marriage. He avoided his feelings and his issues by getting married for a number of years. The price he paid was big.

[liza]

I know a similar story from a real life but with a very different outcome. My neighbor was married 3 times and when his 3ed wife left him, it was a disaster. I have never seen before a person who aged so much in 4 months as he did after his separation. I was curious what happened and engaged him in a conversation. He had been married for 13 years with his first wife. 6 months after separation, he met his second wife and had been married for 7 years. 3 months after his second marriage ended, he met his 3ed wife and had been married for 3 years. When his third wife left, he said that the intensity of feelings he felt was overwhelming so that he could barely cope. The aging was a result of it. So I asked him if he worked through his feelings after first divorce. Of course, he didn’t and he didn’t do it after second and third divorce. So he carried his unresolved issues from the first marriage to the second and the third. He didn’t look at family patterns that were passed from generation to generation he brought with him to every marriage. He avoided his feelings and his issues by getting married for a number of years. The price he paid was big.

really..I don't think people should divorce :) .. it shouldn't be an option .. only if there are very serious problems .. like violence .. alcoholism or I don't know somthing very bad .. :) till death due us part :)
in your story I think it has also to do with age .. not very much with his feelings .. when people get older .. their need to be with someone become bigger :)

[ftil]

really..I don't think people should divorce :) .. it shouldn't be an option .. only if there are very serious problems .. like violence .. alcoholism or I don't know somthing very bad .. :) till death due us part :)



It would be ideal, if people were strong enough to make long lasting changes. However, Bowen who worked with thousands of couple said otherwise. Most couples who entered therapy stayed as long as symptoms disappeared but only a few continued to make profound changes that resulted in deep intimacy and closeness. It is not easy as changes that are required evoke intense anxiety and many people run from it.


in your story I think it has also to do with age .. not very much with his feelings .. when people get older .. their need to be with someone become bigger :)



Oh, these are stereotypes that are very far from the truth. :wink5: It has everything to do with feelings and issues we carry and what we do with them. If a person scrupulously avoid his/her feelings and issues sooner or latter he/she will pay price for suppressing them. Relationships are one of the ways to do it.

Second, people who have unresolved dependency issues, will have strong needs to have a partner. It has nothing to do with age. So, if both people have unresolved dependency issues…….it is a prescription for a disaster, not a healthy relationship. For many of them, divorce is the only solution......they are like children or early teens their entire lives, refusing to grow and believing in Cinderella story...got married and lived happily ever after.

Perhaps, Cinderella had compulsive-obsessive needs to clean a Palace 24/7 that Prince didn't see before. :lol:

[Buh4Bee]

"It" does not refer to sex, but the work required to make a decent go at things. The bottom line is that I try to remind him that I am not a dependent woman and I do not want to be taken for granted. That's all I meant. It may sound sexist, but you need to be pretty dominant to be married to Mr. Bee. If my life had turned out differently and I had a different dynamic with someone, I could have had a different outlook.

[Paulclem]

really..I don't think people should divorce :) .. it shouldn't be an option .. only if there are very serious problems .. like violence .. alcoholism or I don't know somthing very bad .. :) till death due us part :)
in your story I think it has also to do with age .. not very much with his feelings .. when people get older .. their need to be with someone become bigger :)

People make mistakes, and also people change - particularly if they marry young. Ideally everyone would make the right choice and live happily ever after, but the world and people are not ideal.

Some cultures insist on no divorce, but all that happens is that the problems are denied and everyone suffers. Divorce in the UK was very difficult until the 19th century. There were lots of unhappy families - particularly women, and for some it was a kind of slavery. People still make the wrong choices, but a bad choice doesn't now mean a lifelong sentence.

[ennison]

Who is this men to whom you refer? Do I know him? Don't be feeling sorry for yourself blone! If you think you're a doormat then you'll be a doormat.

[cafolini]

Who is this men to whom you refer? Do I know him? Don't be feeling sorry for yourself blone! If you think you're a doormat then you'll be a doormat.
Obvious. Yes.

If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right. ~ Henry Ford

[qimissung]

"It" does not refer to sex, but the work required to make a decent go at things. The bottom line is that I try to remind him that I am not a dependent woman and I do not want to be taken for granted. That's all I meant. It may sound sexist, but you need to be pretty dominant to be married to Mr. Bee. If my life had turned out differently and I had a different dynamic with someone, I could have had a different outlook.

I wasn't trying to be insulting, Buh4Bee, but thanks for clarifying.

[liza]

Who is this men to whom you refer? Do I know him? Don't be feeling sorry for yourself blone! If you think you're a doormat then you'll be a doormat.

I'm not referring to only one man .. cafolini why do you answer .. was this a question for you?

[Bleeding Pawn]

well women who are dignified wont ever like to be referred to as the aforementioned word , but will always protect their modesty. On the other hand, plain simple, loving, compassionate, gentle are boring people also have its own attractiveness and have an aura of magnetism , like Nuns.

[liza]

well women who are dignified wont ever like to be referred to as the aforementioned word , but will always protect their modesty. On the other hand, plain simple, loving, compassionate, gentle are boring people also have its own attractiveness and have an aura of magnetism , like Nuns.

OK.. I will call the "dignified" women .. "*****es" .. and on the other hand you can call the compassionate, gentle and boring woman .. "Nuns" .. *****es against Nuns

[Bleeding Pawn]

OK.. I will call the "dignified" women .. "*****es" .. and on the other hand you can call the compassionate, gentle and boring woman .. "Nuns" .. *****es against Nuns


You must be talking about the nuns who are wrongly portrayed in movies and certain black comedy serials and somewhat it is true. The nunneries of medieval Europe used to house the best of these lots (B**) who would have given a run for the money to those B** of today, but they don't make like them anymore. When compared to the your choice of B**, at least the modern day nuns are decent with an angelic smile.

[Grit]

I shouldn't be arguing it's not my place to judge this topic. My apologies.

[liza]

I can't believe this topic has survived so long given how ridiculous it is.

Actually claiming all men like mean women? seriously?

It's frankly embarrassing. I don't speak for all men but myself, I don't like mean people in general and that applies to women.

I've met girls before who had a sassy attitude and general aura of disrespect. Usually begin verbal jousting with them within minutes.

No men don't love mean women. Honestly kind of insulting.

Now you are mean and insulting with all the people who wrote here .. seriously.. I'm happy you wrote six lines .. in a such a ridiculous thread..

[cafolini]

Often, it is hard to tell what LitNet is best for: a theater arts school, training grounds for wouldbe FBI and CIA cultures, or an actual madhouse doing therapy. ROFLMAO!

[ftil]

Often, it is hard to tell what LitNet is best for: a theater arts school, training grounds for wouldbe FBI and CIA cultures, or an actual madhouse doing therapy. ROFLMAO!

To which category you belong? :lol:

[tonywalt]

Often, it is hard to tell what LitNet is best for: a theater arts school, training grounds for wouldbe FBI and CIA cultures, or an actual madhouse doing therapy. ROFLMAO!


I'm glad to know Litnet is so well rounded. Training in a madhouse for entrance in the FBI/CIA has a whole lot of dramatic art to it - doesn't it?

[Jack of Hearts]

Maybe our problems lie in how we think about each other. From the masculine perspective: Maybe if you think all women are unintelligent and conniving, maybe that's all you see. Jack of Hearts, generally speaking, adores the fairer sex-- well, 3/4 adoration, 1/4 completely terrified of them to be honest.


Grit had an interesting post, other than the moral imperative that he seemed to burn for fuel. This reader hates the scent of moral outrage, it can go right to Hell like it deserves.

Do men like mean women? Maybe men that hate themselves do. Maybe those men just agree with their mean women.

Funny how you can find the masculine version of this same advice. Don't be a doormat, a nice guy, etc.

A more probable hypothesis, for this reader, is that people who love themselves tend to love people who love themselves. People with self respect find people with self respect. Awareness finds awareness.

There's a reason why the words 'love' and 'dove' rhyme. You live your life, eyes open, as you see fit. And you go to your window to see if your little bird has landed. If it's not there, maybe you sprinkle some rice. But if your little bird is there, all you can do is coo at it. All you can do is let it perch for as long as it pleases, peck at your paint a bit in the sunshine while you go about your day, same as it always was, but bird-at-your-window, same as it never was before.





J


EDIT: Screwing like drunk monkeys was too hard to work into the bird metaphor, but seems important to the process as well. Sigh, if only Jack of Hearts were a poet...

[liza]

Maybe our problems lie in how we think about each other. From the masculine perspective: Maybe if you think all women are unintelligent and conniving, maybe that's all you see. Jack of Hearts, generally speaking, adores the fairer sex-- well, 3/4 adoration, 1/4 completely terrified of them to be honest.


Grit had an interesting post, other than the moral imperative that he seemed to burn for fuel. This reader hates the scent of moral outrage, it can go right to Hell like it deserves.

Do men like mean women? Maybe men that hate themselves do. Maybe those men just agree with their mean women.

Funny how you can find the masculine version of this same advice. Don't be a doormat, a nice guy, etc.

A more probable hypothesis, for this reader, is that people who love themselves tend to love people who love themselves. People with self respect find people with self respect. Awareness finds awareness.

There's a reason why the words 'love' and 'dove' rhyme. You live your life, eyes open, as you see fit. And you go to your window to see if your little bird has landed. If it's not there, maybe you sprinkle some rice. But if your little bird is there, all you can do is coo at it. All you can do is let it perch for as long as it pleases, peck at your paint a bit in the sunshine while you go about your day, same as it always was, but bird-at-your-window, same as it never was before.





J


EDIT: Screwing like drunk monkeys was too hard to work into the bird metaphor, but seems important to the process as well. Sigh, if only Jack of Hearts were a poet...

I liked your story with the bird :) I don't want a bird to my window .. to sprinkle him rice .. whenever he want .. if he want rice and coo :) should be with me in a cage .. inside the window .. with me .. :) Ok bottom line .. is that you give to men rice .. only when they want to .. otherwise don't bother them :)