Biggus
02-21-2013, 08:36 AM
I DO DRINK COFFEE
I do drink Coffee
But it’s not a favourite of mine
It doesn’t fill me with cheer
It just fills in the time
Until it’s socially acceptable
To start drinking beer
WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 2
When my Gran got out of bed
After one too many tipples
She didn’t even notice that she
Was standing on her nipples
SOME PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES
Some people come into our lives
And leave footprints on our hearts
Others tread softly leaving no traces
But then there are the ones
On who you want to leave boot prints
All over their stupid faces
TAP IT, UNWRAP IT
The Chocolate Orange
I have so far concluded
As one of your five a day
It may definitely be included
IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS WEARING TIGHTS
When my girlfriend
Is wearing tights
And she over does it
Eating Turkish delight
Her mouth stuffed full
She starts to cough
Involuntarily farts
And blows her slippers off
THE OLD BANGER
The old banger
Wouldn’t start this morning
It wasn’t too long after
The day was dawning
I just kept trying
Over and over
But I couldn’t
Get her to turn over
Until eventually
With a cough and a fart
I managed to get
The old thing to start
Though not working
On full power
She got out of bed
And went in the shower
A SCANDAL HAS BROKEN
A scandal has broken
Of the very worst kind
It’s totally unforgivable
To my way of mind
That fraud Pudsey Bear
Isn’t really blind
FAREWELL TO YOUTH
I’m getting old
My youth has been relinquished
I’m told my grey hair
Makes me look distinguished
The sad truth is
My ego has been extinguished
I do drink Coffee
But it’s not a favourite of mine
It doesn’t fill me with cheer
It just fills in the time
Until it’s socially acceptable
To start drinking beer
WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 2
When my Gran got out of bed
After one too many tipples
She didn’t even notice that she
Was standing on her nipples
SOME PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES
Some people come into our lives
And leave footprints on our hearts
Others tread softly leaving no traces
But then there are the ones
On who you want to leave boot prints
All over their stupid faces
TAP IT, UNWRAP IT
The Chocolate Orange
I have so far concluded
As one of your five a day
It may definitely be included
IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS WEARING TIGHTS
When my girlfriend
Is wearing tights
And she over does it
Eating Turkish delight
Her mouth stuffed full
She starts to cough
Involuntarily farts
And blows her slippers off
THE OLD BANGER
The old banger
Wouldn’t start this morning
It wasn’t too long after
The day was dawning
I just kept trying
Over and over
But I couldn’t
Get her to turn over
Until eventually
With a cough and a fart
I managed to get
The old thing to start
Though not working
On full power
She got out of bed
And went in the shower
A SCANDAL HAS BROKEN
A scandal has broken
Of the very worst kind
It’s totally unforgivable
To my way of mind
That fraud Pudsey Bear
Isn’t really blind
FAREWELL TO YOUTH
I’m getting old
My youth has been relinquished
I’m told my grey hair
Makes me look distinguished
The sad truth is
My ego has been extinguished