Older

[twist]

"Stay a little longer" whispered Grandma hoarsely as I hugged her goodbye. The scent of Olbas oil mixed with peppermint hit my nostrils again. She placed a cold, wrinkled hand on my arm. "There's no-one to talk to. Everyone's so old here", she said looking around her. For a moment she looked years younger than everyone else, a young woman with big frightened eyes. I sat down again and she closed her eyes holding my hand tightly.
"Visiting time is over, Mary. Let go of her hand."
I opened my eyes and the memory was like a heartbeat ago. My granddaughter's hand was in my hand now and mine was the cold one.

This is as far as I've got! Is it a good start?

[cafolini]

It's a good topic to base a story on. The last line should probably be the last line in a well-deveoped piece.

[twist]

Thanks for the advice, cafolini.

[hillwalker]

It is indeed good but I'm not sure there's anywhere left for it to go.

H

[twist]

See what you think H. I wrote the rest this morning on the bus!

Stay a little longer" whispered Grandma hoarsely as I hugged her goodbye. The scent of Olbas oil mixed with peppermint hit my nostrils again. She placed a cold, frail hand on my arm.

"There's no-one to talk to. Everyone's so old here", she said looking around her. For a moment she looked years younger than everyone else, a young woman with big frightened eyes.

I sat down again and she closed her eyes holding my hand tightly.

"Visiting time is over, Mary. Let go of her hand."

I opened my eyes and the memory was like a heartbeat ago. My granddaughter's hand was in my hand now and mine was the cold, frail one.

I looked at her young, unfurrowed face and sighed. One day she would be in my place. We all have to grow older, no-one can stop the inevitable.

"Come on Mary, time for supper."

My granddaughter hugged me tightly. "I'll be back tomorrow. By the way, I love your perfume, Grandma. Chanel no. 5?" she said winking.

It wasn't perfume. It was Olbas oil mixed with peppermint..

I sat next to the window the next day waiting for my granddaughter, Mary.

I could see my grandmother's face in the window"Don't get old," my grandmother said. " I'll try not to," I'd reply.

The rain was lashing down and it grew darker. I had a sinking feeling Mary wasn't coming. It was so unlike her. She hadn't even called.

When the carer came to to tell me there had been an accident I already knew...

My tears fell silently as the rain trickled down the window pane.

She had been knocked down crossing the road. I heard later that they found a bag with a broken Chanel perfume bottle inside. Mary had bought it for me.

I seemed to have lived forever, seen so much in my life. There were so many memories that helped me through the lonely hours. I could close my eyes and drift back through time.

It was difficult sometimes to distinguish the past from the present. Mary was there whenever I closed my eyes. She had too become a memory.

My Mary would never grow old. She would never have children or a beautiful granddaughter called Mary who would visit her when no-one else did.

[hillwalker]

Hmm - bit of a corny twist to be honest. Personally I prefer the first version - it says everything there is to say about growing old and surviving on the memories of being young again.
Version 2 is a bit of a cop-out - too unbelievable to be taken seriously,

H