The Hive

[Twota]

Raw thoughts filled
the gardens of my mind,
like flowers of every kind;
the slowly withering memories,
the splendid eye sights,
and the blooming imagination;
all tilting their crowns
to kiss the humming bees.

[Hawkman]

Hi Twota:

my attention was drawn to this piece by the "similar Threads" window when checking my post, "Hive." I didn't realise you'd used the title. It's inexcusable that this poem of yours has not garnered a single comment till now. Personally, I think this is an excellent little poem. It is a clearly and elegantly expressed contemplative reflection. Almost pure thought. I love it. The only thing I'd suggest is altering 'my' to 'the' in the last line. it would not only read better but, unless you are a bee keeper (which you may be) it isn't really appropriate. Even if they are your bees, the reader doesn't need to know it.

I wonder if I like it because it reminds me of my own piece, "Hummingbird" which explored a similar theme with parallel imagery, although mine had a distinctly dissimilar subtext.

Regardless - this was a real pleasure to read.

Live and be well - H

[Twota]

Hawk,

Hello :D Thank you for reviving my bees and liking them, you are right about the 'the', I will fix it now and well, I am no bee keeper, I hate bees actually. XD

I will search now for your Hummingbird. :D

[qimissung]

Hawk is right; this is good. I love elegant short poems that surprise and delight.

[Hawkman]

You're welcome Twota. I wasn't actually angling for a bump for my poem but thanks anyway :) I'm glad you enjoyed it but it's had its day in the sun, so rather than bump it again I've replied here. Cheers - H

[Twota]

qimissung, thank you :D I am glad you found it delightful. ;)

Hawk, I know you were not, of course. I liked it though, and I liked to revive it as much. :D

[miyako73]

Nice one, but too much participial adjectives (-ing) that make the poem almost monotonous.

[Twota]

That's because bees always go buzzing like "innnnnnggggggggggg". :D jk jk hahah, glad you liked it though. ;)