Bob Karaszi
02-12-2013, 03:51 PM
Any feedback would be appreciated. Also, I wonder if this would read better formatted differently without stanza breaks. Punctuation in correct places would help also Im sure.
From My Terrace Down
Twilight's saffron haze reduced to memory
as light strengthens its spars over the horizon
silhouetted gossamer woven upon ash wood and hedge
taut like strings on a violin
from my terrace down,
closely packed houses, roof tops
gnawing at the pith of the air, where starlings wings
stretch for sunshine through westward glints,
their fluted voices carrying long
phrases tattooed to the wind
atop hills shaved from peaks
like those only dreams dare to carve
from my terrace down,
factories and wind mills, fields nosing up
to ploughmen clad in turf bound silence
where moss munches on harvest salts
From My Terrace Down
Twilight's saffron haze reduced to memory
as light strengthens its spars over the horizon
silhouetted gossamer woven upon ash wood and hedge
taut like strings on a violin
from my terrace down,
closely packed houses, roof tops
gnawing at the pith of the air, where starlings wings
stretch for sunshine through westward glints,
their fluted voices carrying long
phrases tattooed to the wind
atop hills shaved from peaks
like those only dreams dare to carve
from my terrace down,
factories and wind mills, fields nosing up
to ploughmen clad in turf bound silence
where moss munches on harvest salts