Almost as Old as Silence

[Jassy Melson]

In the beginning was silence
and the gods thought it was good.
Until one of the gods declared
It is not complete. There is something lacking;
namely music and poetry. The gods agreed,
so they added music and poetry to the silence.

The gods made conditions right for creativity;
and poetry flourished—like flowers
opening their petals to the sun's new dew.

Silence bowed in its acquiescence;
and so to this day the only thing permissible
in the presence of silence is great music
and poetry. All else is noise.

[E.A Rumfield]

I don't like the way the first line is worded. I think this lacks a certain something, I don't know. I don't get how the title plays into the poem.

[Pete Ak]

In the beginning was silence
and the gods thought it was good.
Until one of the gods declared
It is not complete. There is something lacking;
namely music and poetry. The gods agreed,
so they added music and poetry to the silence.

The gods made conditions right for creativity;
and poetry flourished—like flowers
opening their petals to the sun's new dew.

Silence bowed in its acquiescence;
and so to this day the only thing permissible
in the presence of silence is great music
and poetry. All else is noise.

I think I'd prefer a start without the quasi biblical feel - it threw me off course a little.
Second stanza - it would be interesting to know how the gods 'made the conditions right' - in fact that is what I want the poem to be about! - 'sun's new dew' I'm not sure about either, does the dew belong to the sun? Even allowing for the idea, the internal rhyme sticks out and not really in a good way.
S3 I like the message and love the final phrase, both of which are, in my opinion, strong enough to warrant a long look at the rest of the poem.
Good luck with this
Respect, Pete Ak

[Jassy Melson]

I think this could use some reworking.