Look Closely!

[Devilio]

Your letters from the spring, sail
Through my love-infested veins,
Pluck 'em from blood if I may
And decipher what remains!

The piling wreckage of my temperance
Is a prejudice against my own,
Does 'love' really care for difference?
Do I or not bemoan?

For my 'early' funeral soon due
I will adorn a fancy dress
Have I a feeling of deja vu?
Even death will not impress?

So bid me farewell with a peaceful mind,
Look closely and only love you'll find!

[Paulclem]

Your letters from the spring, sail
Through my love-infested veins,
Pluck 'em from blood if I may
And decipher what remains!

The piling wreckage of my temperance
Is a prejudice against my own,
Does 'love' really care for difference?
Do I or not bemoan?

For my 'early' funeral soon due
I will adorn a fancy dress
Have I a feeling of deja vu?
Even death will not impress?

So bid me farewell with a peaceful mind,
Look closely and only love you'll find!

Hi Devillo,

I thought this was a better poem than the last one you posted. the images are striking - the love drug/veins image works well, and it connects well with temperance.

I had a vision of Miss Haversham with the early funeral, and the melodramatic tone of it is undercut well with that final "bid me farewell" when the writer realises that death will not impress. The second reading made that self realisation and a getting on with it attitude clearer. I feel it contrasts with the narrator's earlier melodramatic words. It's also like coming off a drug/love.

I thought there were a lot of good lines in this poem - I was reading a critique of a love poem by Hillwalker the other day, and he was saying that love poems are difficult to write as they've been done so many times. I agree with him, but I think you did a good job of this one.

The only reservation I had were the older words like bemoan and pluck 'em, and I initially thought they didn' quite fit the modern idiom, but after reading again, and reforming my view, I think they work pretty well in that melodramatic context.

I hope my comments were useful.

[Devilio]

Firstly and most importantly I would like to tell you that I am thankful for the review. The detailed analysis helped me in an effective way. And I could write these lines because I can feel them.

[WolfLarsen]

I hate rhymes!

The line "love-infested veins" is my favorite line.

But love sucks!

Also the line "piling wreckedge of my temperance" is not bad either.

Have a great day!

[Devilio]

I hate rhymes!

The line "love-infested veins" is my favorite line.

But love sucks!

Also the line "piling wreckedge of my temperance" is not bad either.

Have a great day!


I think love is great even when it sucks. It is all we have got.
And even I think I will begin disliking rhymes in due course.
Anyway thanks for dropping by. Have a great day too.