The Light Vies

[Devilio]

Treading on the flowers, which, were,
Meant to be held in palms, and
The gait acquired a thunder,
Putting the blooms in qualms

Dark sketches of crying grass,
Alongside a sepulchral river,
Ask for an ounce of justice,
From hands of a brutal giver

The patchy stretches of that land,
With wilted shrubs twisted at tips,
Oh! Look at his solitary bower,
Not one mishap which, skips

The clouds’ tones again, are
Unforgivably dreary to eyes
Darkness loving the darkness
For light, the light vies

[Paulclem]

Hi Devilio.

although I liked some of your lines,

Ask for an ounce of justice,
From hands of a brutal giver

and

The clouds’ tones again, are
Unforgivably dreary to eyes


I wasn't sure what the poem referred to particularly. it might be that i missed something, but the subject of the poem, whilst maintaining a mysteriousness, did not reveal his purpose except for a kind of general brutality and neglect. Perhaps that was the point, but I would have liked it to relate to something more concrete. I suppose i want something that I would care about so that it would engender an emotional response of some kind, and whilst

Treading on the flowers, which, were,
Meant to be held in palms,

sets this up, I wasn't clear whose palms and why I should think them important.

I hope you find these comments constructive.

[Devilio]

Hi Devilio.

although I liked some of your lines,

Ask for an ounce of justice,
From hands of a brutal giver

and

The clouds’ tones again, are
Unforgivably dreary to eyes


I wasn't sure what the poem referred to particularly. it might be that i missed something, but the subject of the poem, whilst maintaining a mysteriousness, did not reveal his purpose except for a kind of general brutality and neglect. Perhaps that was the point, but I would have liked it to relate to something more concrete. I suppose i want something that I would care about so that it would engender an emotional response of some kind, and whilst

Treading on the flowers, which, were,
Meant to be held in palms,

sets this up, I wasn't clear whose palms and why I should think them important.

I hope you find these comments constructive.


Thank you for the comment. I wish to learn from this and make things clearer in future :) Just learning.