A few Tanka for you to consider

[Paulclem]

I've tried to write a few Tanka since the Haiku month. I'd appreciate your feedback. Thanks.

Tanka - a name changed from Waka - is a japanese form not unlike Haiku. It has a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable pattern.

I am connected
with my phone – a safety net
when I’m all alone.
I can e-mail, phone or text.
I’m virtually in a crowd.


I chop up my days,
nuggets of hours and minutes,
into working chunks
that I swallow every day
until I get fat on time.


… and the holiday
dissolves into memories.
Have I been away?
I start my routine, check mail,
my routine to retirement.


He’s on an ipad.
She’s texting friends on the phone.
Couples are chatting.
I read the social postings.
Conversation layer cake.


Cycling down to town.
Puddles gilded in sunshine,
the roar of traffic
filling my senses with speed.
Good, downhill days are easy.


I live in dead time,
between jobs and commitments.
An hour or two snatched
in the mid-day lull and rest.
Thoughts and mind churn ideas.


A promise of snow.
Will the world white-out again?
Blue light and contrasts
beautify every landscape
before the slush and grey drifts.


Writing poetry.
A quiet occupation.
Notebook and pen poised
watching all the endless thoughts
arising from many queues.


Despite the sunshine,
there is a prospect of snow
from draughts in your coat,
from the cold slapping your cheeks.
The sudden chills we all feel.


It’s hard to accept
the fallacy of freedom:
the walls I’ve thrown up.
Dictators are bound by fear,
so what of our little life?

[firefangled]

I enjoyed the contemporary content of these. Though we can write about somewhere else, we are where we are.

[Paulclem]

We are. I was mostly in cafes i town when I wrote them, which is perhaps reflected in the work, cycling, weather themes.

Thanks for the comment.

[YesNo]

I liked the idea of getting "fat on time". I enjoyed them all.

[Paulclem]

Thanks. I liked that idea too.

[Haunted]

Many terse and well crafted lines, such as Good, downhill days are easy. I also enjoyed the trendiness of these. My favorite is this, so true, and so delicious penned:

He’s on an ipad.
She’s texting friends on the phone.
Couples are chatting.
I read the social postings.
Conversation layer cake.

[Paulclem]

Thanks very much. I am encouraged by your kind comments. : )

[qimissung]

So many good lines, Paul. I like, among others,

Conversation layer cake.

I live in dead time...

from the cold slapping your cheeks...


and then all of the last one:



It’s hard to accept
the fallacy of freedom:
the walls I’ve thrown up.
Dictators are bound by fear,
so what of our little life?


Freedom is such a fallacy, isn't it?

[Paulclem]

It is, but we've usually made our way before we realise it. It's an interesting topic.

Thanks for the comments Qimi.