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Twota
01-12-2013, 05:36 PM
The grey extended before my eyes
dull, dry, and almost dead.
That's when the dragons came alive
and splashed their wings
above their heads.
They were transparent, many and still.
I tried to count them, but on the tenth,
they slowly faded into Earth.
The green extended before my eyes,
and it was not - at all - dead.

Twota
01-13-2013, 01:51 PM
criticize!

firefangled
01-13-2013, 02:49 PM
I see trees appearing through the fog on first thought, but I'm not sure. I was a little confused by the dragons splashing their wings and then being still in the third sentence, with no apparent transition. I'm not sure you need the dashes around "at all." If you want there to be a natural pause for assessment of the "green" just put "at all" after "dead and use a comma." Thus: and it was not dead, at all.

Twota
01-13-2013, 03:15 PM
oh, well, I think, may be, I haven't included enough clues to what I am referring to. D=

I was talking about the water spreader or whatever it's name, that small thing used in gardens and so to spread water over the grass, I was looking at a vast garden and then they all were activated at the same time, it made a beautiful view. That's why I used the word "splashed", also, they are still as they don't move. And then the strength of the water started to fade and they all stopped, as if they were fading into the ground.

hillwalker
01-14-2013, 07:58 AM
A lawn sprinkler? :blush5:

I would never have guessed that in a million years. I actually thought it was about someone recovering from a bad drug trip.

H

Twota
01-14-2013, 02:52 PM
YES! :D That's the word, and that's how it looked like. =0

http://www.google.com.eg/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=699&tbm=isch&tbnid=T2cfCrm0-J8QRM:&imgrefurl=http://www.dhisprinklers.com/DHIsprinklers.html&docid=-EPlr6h9ioQ-FM&imgurl=http://www.dhisprinklers.com/_images//lawn-sprinklers.jpg&w=424&h=284&ei=oFP0UK7pOM7AtAaQpoHgCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=770&vpy=132&dur=2442&hovh=184&hovw=274&tx=140&ty=136&sig=105537651731154627334&page=1&tbnh=140&tbnw=212&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0,i:91

caddy_caddy
01-14-2013, 03:10 PM
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
U can't tell how far I went in my interpretation.
But u know I don't think it's a good idea to explain the poem.
you have a vivid imagination!

Twota
01-14-2013, 03:20 PM
loooool. Well, yes, I think the idea of the poem was so unclear to most -if not all- readers. I always fail in providing enough clues. :/

Thanks caddy. ;)