ryanr4269
01-09-2013, 09:13 PM
This is my newest literature piece, I would like some suggestions and feedback on what you think. Im not the greatest writer, and im always looking to improve my writing skills, enjoy.
Blood slid down his face into the sink. Burning pursued in his left eye. The gash ran a half-inch from his hairline to the start of his neck, just under his chin. He took the wet, bloodstained rag and held it against the wound, suppressing the hot blood. He let out a slow sigh, drops of blood dripping into his mouth. It tasted salty, but also sweet at the same time. He pushed his starch white hair from out of his left eye. He looked deep into the mirror. A broken figure was staring back into him. A pale ghost of the past was looking back at him. For just a moment, he could see the old innocent child he was. That child had been obliterated years ago by insanity and darkness. Nightmares flashed by. The Other one stood in the middle of that nightmare. Surrounded by moving shadow and textureless black smoke. The being was lanky, bald and had pitch black skin. He stared at the ground, unaware that Jake could see him through the mirror. It’s long fingers were intertwined, thumbs twiddling. Jake opened his mouth, and out came another sigh. A fatal mistake. It stopped twiddling its thumbs, and everything stayed still for what felt like minutes. The Other one pulled it’s hands apart, and put it’s arms to it’s sides. It pulled it’s head up, and stared into Jake’s fragmented soul. It’s eyes were piercing white lights. They were blinding. They felt like daggers piercing into Jake’s everything. Must look away. Jake continued to look at the Other one. It was impossible to tear your gaze from it once you locked eyes with it. Consciousness slipped away, once again. Cannot fight it, not now, not ever.
Blood slid down his face into the sink. Burning pursued in his left eye. The gash ran a half-inch from his hairline to the start of his neck, just under his chin. He took the wet, bloodstained rag and held it against the wound, suppressing the hot blood. He let out a slow sigh, drops of blood dripping into his mouth. It tasted salty, but also sweet at the same time. He pushed his starch white hair from out of his left eye. He looked deep into the mirror. A broken figure was staring back into him. A pale ghost of the past was looking back at him. For just a moment, he could see the old innocent child he was. That child had been obliterated years ago by insanity and darkness. Nightmares flashed by. The Other one stood in the middle of that nightmare. Surrounded by moving shadow and textureless black smoke. The being was lanky, bald and had pitch black skin. He stared at the ground, unaware that Jake could see him through the mirror. It’s long fingers were intertwined, thumbs twiddling. Jake opened his mouth, and out came another sigh. A fatal mistake. It stopped twiddling its thumbs, and everything stayed still for what felt like minutes. The Other one pulled it’s hands apart, and put it’s arms to it’s sides. It pulled it’s head up, and stared into Jake’s fragmented soul. It’s eyes were piercing white lights. They were blinding. They felt like daggers piercing into Jake’s everything. Must look away. Jake continued to look at the Other one. It was impossible to tear your gaze from it once you locked eyes with it. Consciousness slipped away, once again. Cannot fight it, not now, not ever.