Tyanda
01-09-2013, 05:34 PM
It is pointless. Hopeless. Meaningless. Maybe even sad. But altogether it is really just a big tragedy. I am talking about my life.
It all started some years ago: my mother couldn't take the pain of having the unborn version of myself nested inside her womb any longer so she decided to take some pills and flush them down with alcohol. It was all about taking the edge off. I admit that I highly enjoyed whatever the umbilical cord then started sharing with me. I had such a great time in there, all drugged-up swimming in the pool of life, that I was a little upset when my mother decided to kick me out. All good things come to an end, I guess.
At that time I didn't realize what was waiting ahead of me. Here I was, a new young-born child already facing his first detoxification. Since my mother refused to breast-feed me and she wouldn't give me any of her prescriptions I was confronted with a dry spell that would last as long as me reaching puberty. At that age I was finally introduced to Marijuana and with that happiness, emotions and feelings returned. Since then my life has been a constant struggle. I am either high wasting my time but feeling a little more like everybody else or I am sober, productive and successful but dead inside. Unfortunately, the massive drug abuse has also left its marks. Sometimes I am a paranoid schizophrenic, other times I got the Asperger-Syndrome, first I am a sociopath then a psychopath, today I am on top of the world tomorrow the world is on top of me. It has been rough to keep sanity.
In all this craziness somehow fits the fact that even though I would be capable of having friends (I am not a socially awkward person since I know how society wants me to behave) I simply have no desire to keep any. I am not interested in other people's life because they often fail to see the bigger picture. I don't want to be bothered with all the unimportant little facts that their life has to offer, I can hardly take mine!
However, I have not given up the idea of being in a serious relationship with a woman at some point in my life and hopefully even start a family with that person. But since I am already having a hard time keeping any friends it is even harder to make new acquaintances. My ridiculously high expectations for my wife-to-be probably don't help either. As a consequence of this, I have spent my life in solitude.
This is my habit, this is my life.
_______________________________________
[fictional, beginning of a story]
thanks for reading!
It all started some years ago: my mother couldn't take the pain of having the unborn version of myself nested inside her womb any longer so she decided to take some pills and flush them down with alcohol. It was all about taking the edge off. I admit that I highly enjoyed whatever the umbilical cord then started sharing with me. I had such a great time in there, all drugged-up swimming in the pool of life, that I was a little upset when my mother decided to kick me out. All good things come to an end, I guess.
At that time I didn't realize what was waiting ahead of me. Here I was, a new young-born child already facing his first detoxification. Since my mother refused to breast-feed me and she wouldn't give me any of her prescriptions I was confronted with a dry spell that would last as long as me reaching puberty. At that age I was finally introduced to Marijuana and with that happiness, emotions and feelings returned. Since then my life has been a constant struggle. I am either high wasting my time but feeling a little more like everybody else or I am sober, productive and successful but dead inside. Unfortunately, the massive drug abuse has also left its marks. Sometimes I am a paranoid schizophrenic, other times I got the Asperger-Syndrome, first I am a sociopath then a psychopath, today I am on top of the world tomorrow the world is on top of me. It has been rough to keep sanity.
In all this craziness somehow fits the fact that even though I would be capable of having friends (I am not a socially awkward person since I know how society wants me to behave) I simply have no desire to keep any. I am not interested in other people's life because they often fail to see the bigger picture. I don't want to be bothered with all the unimportant little facts that their life has to offer, I can hardly take mine!
However, I have not given up the idea of being in a serious relationship with a woman at some point in my life and hopefully even start a family with that person. But since I am already having a hard time keeping any friends it is even harder to make new acquaintances. My ridiculously high expectations for my wife-to-be probably don't help either. As a consequence of this, I have spent my life in solitude.
This is my habit, this is my life.
_______________________________________
[fictional, beginning of a story]
thanks for reading!