today

[catastrophiat]

today i am
peeling an orange and
gathering zest&pith all in this cloth
and breathing in so deeply

there are
white lillies that you
put on my table
before looking over at me
in my white lace panties
with that look of distraction
and breathing in so deeply

night falls and my chest hurts
from sobbing so damn hard
and my hands dance around
to distract the drumbeat in both ears,
so i breathe in so deeply -
in syllables.

yes,
today i tried
so hard to live
that i began
to let me die

clinical tables
with legs unstable

blue ocean caves
unleash their waves

the amethyst storm
is finally born

and my atom splits.
Hiroshima.

but that was yesterday,
and today the earth has given me
just enough dew to bathe in
and cleanse the bodies
of those i have killed
and package some bottles
to save for later when i'm thirsty.

[Delta40]

Absolutely marvellous reading catastrophiat from beginning to end.

[Jack of Hearts]

This is pretty damn impressive.






J

[Charles Darnay]

This definitely required a few read-throughs. I agree with both of the above.

[islandclimber]

This. Is. Amazing.


clinical tables
with legs unstable

blue ocean caves
unleash their waves

the amethyst storm
is finally born

and my atom splits.
Hiroshima.

I'm not generally a fan of contemporary rhyming poetry, but the shift here into these couplets was brilliant. I love the brevity, the immediacy of the imagery, the gain and then loss, or maybe the loss and then gain; especially the way these lines are buffeted on either side by lengthier stanzas swallowed by metaphor and a dichotomy of simple and complex.


...to save for later when i'm thirsty.

I might drop the later from this line. It flows better that way? A comma after later would also work, but I like the sparse punctuation in this piece, so that wouldn't be the preferential option.

[ShadowsCool]

Bravo. Very eloquent and spoken with excellence. It takes skill to write in such a way.

[hillwalker]

I wish that all the aspiring poets on here who flood this site with post after post of mediocre rhyming 'poetry' could read this and see how it should be done.

It's the essence of what a poem should be - simple yet complex. Something you come back to over and over again to read, with new images and questions to take away and savour.

H

[catastrophiat]

I wish that all the aspiring poets on here who flood this site with post after post of mediocre rhyming 'poetry' could read this and see how it should be done.

It's the essence of what a poem should be - simple yet complex. Something you come back to over and over again to read, with new images and questions to take away and savour.

H

Stop it. You're making me blush. But thanks. :)

[ShadowsCool]

Well its just not easy to write great poetry. This is a well written piece and deserves praise.

[hallaig]

I actually find the section from 'clinical tables' to 'Hiroshima' jarringly obscure and a distraction. On the other hand I like the breathless word stream in the first 17 lines. Love that kind of sensual rush. Last section's spoiled by the portentous bit about the bodies of those you've killed.