Her gracefulness

[sonatadesign]

Hello there, this is one of my first "english" poems, considering that's my second language. Figured i'd get more reviews this way, not many critiques on serbian...

Her gracefulness


She reminds me of
an old, good book.
She is infinite.

Beauty divine,
that's her.
Glorious, magnificent,
entirely mine.

Oh Lord, when her eyes stumble upon mine,
I, the lost one, am finally found.
Her gracefulness
is buried deep inside
of me.

[Haunted]

This is simple but grand and offered a nice reading experience. You don't need a comma after "an". Better yet, move it to the next line. I'm not sure "there's no end of her" come across as being positive, I could as easily interpret that as a book as goes on and on, which makes it rather boring. Maybe you want to say you don't want it to end? Something like this...

She reminds me of
an old, good book
that I don't want to end.

This is the second poem I read and commented today that's from your part of the world. How wonderful you're taking up writing in English and picking such a challenging but rewarding creative form. Welcome sonatadesign.

[Delta40]

It's a good observation by Haunted. The term 'there is no end of her' can also suggest a person who never shuts up or stops nagging!

Might I suggest line breaks between 'is buried deep' and 'inside' then 'of me' to pace it better?

[catastrophiat]

This is beautiful. :) My suggestions are slight.



She reminds me of an
old, good book.

Just to reiterate what's already been said, I would remove the comma here.


There's no end of her.

I understand what you're trying to say; I think saying "She is endless" instead flows just a little bit better and gives you a parallel kind of structure.


Oh Lord, when her eyes stumble upon mine,
I, the lost one, am finally found.
Her gracefulness
is buried deep inside,
of me.

The "oh lord" is so well placed here...it feels like a heavy sigh, full of longing. Possibly my favorite part.

Only thing I would do is remove the comma after "inside."

Again, this is simply beautiful.

[sonatadesign]

Wow, i definitely didn't expect such a positive feedback. Thank you guys very much, as for coma after an, that will be fixed, and I will fix the "There's no end of her" part definitely. As for "of me" in the end, that's just something - a style of mine that i'm used to, I just recently figured that, that for of writing doesn't exist in english language, so it's pretty hard to "get it out", it's hard to change style I thimk you all understand that!


EDIT:
changed it a lil bit

[Vividly]

Loved it. You have a nice voice. Out of curiosity, what is your first language?

[sonatadesign]

Serbian, ty very much :)