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miyako73
01-06-2013, 04:28 PM
The frown on my face,
As cold and lifeless
As the long cucumber,
Distorts my cheeks,
My shallow dimples,
My once laugh lines.

It is not the green lollipop
You give instead of a gum,
The promised sweet cherry;
It is not the grainy video-
A man on a feverish child
Not a Disney love story.

It is your face all mustache,
Your baldness like a crown
Sticky and smelling of pomade,
Your wet fingers, oiled nails
Settling on my arms, my skin
Like the soft butter you melt.

firefangled
01-06-2013, 04:46 PM
Miyako, You paint a chilling and macabre picture with this one. I congratulate you on not overdoing, which is difficult with a poem like this. It is made all the more creepy by the mixing of phalic symbols and childhood treats.

The title surprisingly does not give up completely what the reader finds. Well done.

JackBarrattPoet
01-06-2013, 04:52 PM
Really enjoyed this poem. Interesting variation in verses. This really paints a picture; good job!

cafolini
01-07-2013, 09:55 AM
Sucking a cucumber has an element of surprise that a lollipop cannot have so actively. Now, the propblem with this sucking poem is the menace of chewing gum.

Lokasenna
01-07-2013, 12:24 PM
I agree with what the others say: this is a chillingly effective poem. I really love your handling of the imagery.

Snow
01-07-2013, 01:41 PM
Really nice...:)

miyako73
01-07-2013, 03:24 PM
Sorry, cafolini, if you don't get the images I want to convey. Green lollipop is nasty, just nasty, and it's green too. Gum is what kids love; they can play with it. Well you know what that man does with the cucumber and the melted butter. It's tough to restrain myself in this one without going literal.

WolfLarsen
01-07-2013, 09:56 PM
Powerful.