Two Poems: "On Desire--" / "Schrodinger's Cat"

[tallonrk1]

On Desire--

A rose is lost without sunlight;
It longs for a sip of rain
To dribble off the chilled night
And resuscitate the thirsty flame.

Schrödinger's Cat

“Good evening, Mr. Schrödinger;
Say, what you got in that box?
Can I take a peek?
Is it a rabbit? Is it a fox?”


“No, my good boy, what I’ve got here is a cat!
I would let you take a look, but I’m afraid I cannot.
You see, I asked for a cat, and they gave me this box,
But I can’t open it, for it appears to be locked!”

“Well, what does it look like?
Do you even know that?
Without seeing what’s inside,
How can you be sure it’s a cat?”


“Oh, my good sir, I assure you there’s a cat!
I have faith in those who told me so,
And thus I have no reason to doubt it.
And not only that, but I’m sure it’s a Calico.”

"A calico, you say?
Why are you so sure?
With many breeds of cat,
Such detail is obscure.

And furthermore,
Have you heard a cat inside?
A meow, a scratch,
Any evidence to provide?”


“Well, no…but sir, I have faith! Is that not enough?
Through my heart, through my spirit, I know it is so!
Why don’t you prove there isn’t a cat inside?
With such little knowledge, you can’t possibly know.”

“Exactly! Don’t you see?
Without concrete knowledge,
Neither of us can be certainly right,
And no belief can we allege!

Let us put aside the box
And grab a cup of coffee;
Let us not waste our life
On something so petty.”

[E.A Rumfield]

Do you understand the theory? A box is created and a jar is hung with poison inside. A cat enters the box and there is a fifty fifty shot that the cat knocks over the poison and dies. So it is purposed that in one universe there is a cat alive in the box meowing and purring and in another the cat is dead and rotting but in this universe in that sealed box the cat is both dead and alive. It is a paradox aimed at the Copenhagen interpretation. Like Einstein said "Do you really think the moon isn't there if you aren't looking at it?"

[tallonrk1]

Yes, I understand that. I was twisting it for the allegorical purposes of the poem.

I twisted it in the way that, instead of the debate being whether or not the cat is dead or alive, the debate is whether or not a cat exists at all. It's not meant to be a reflection of the experiment or theory, rather to illustrate an alternative situation to provide for a fuller meaning.

In the poem, the cat either exists or does not, however by the end the speakers conclude that we will never know for sure unless visual evidence is presented; it's supposed to be, at least, reminiscent of Schrodinger's theory. Not identical.

I'd much rather get feedback on the poem's content and the devices used to construct it.

[YesNo]

I liked the idea of questioning whether it is still a cat or not not merely whether, whatever it is, it is alive or not. I also enjoyed the rhyme, but think some of final rhymes are strained and could be reworked. However, keep rhyming. The rhyme constraint can perhaps guide you to better ways to phrase something.

[tallonrk1]

" The rhyme constraint can perhaps guide you to better ways to phrase something. " Ah! Finally someone who agrees lol. I love rhyming, but sometimes I tend to force it or make it overbearing, which does a disservice to my poems. But the reason I use rhyming is exactly what you said, plus I think it makes the poem more lyrical and aesthetically pleasing.

[hillwalker]

I really like your first poem - hard to believe the same person wrote this and 'Stairway'

H

[tallonrk1]

I really like your first poem - hard to believe the same person wrote this and 'Stairway'

H

Omg Hillwalker actually likes one of my poems. My life is complete. You have no idea how happy I am right now XD

[hillwalker]

Your life is complete? I'm tempted to take back my words if you're now at the peak of existence and have no further to go. Such is the power of LitNet. :eek2:

H

[tallonrk1]

lol, Also H, what was your opinion of the second poem? Not so good?

[hillwalker]

The first four lines read like a nursery rhyme so I didn't bother reading any further. I'm not a fan of nursery rhymes.

H