Ode To A Phantom

[ShadowsCool]

When the midnight hours do creep
The phantom of her arrives in my sleep.
At first it's a nudge, and then its a weep
As those midnight hours slowly creep.

It was long ago in another life
When she took to be my living wife.
But now she is gone and off to sleep
As these midnight hours slowly creep.

Some say it's okay to let go of love's spell
When nothing is there under the wishing well.
But though she's gone, I will drift ever so deep
And feel her phantom's breath in my sleep.

[hillwalker]

Interesting use of rhyme.

As for expressing yourself, I think your stilted use of language makes this rather hard going:

When the midnight hours do creep
The phantom of her arrives in my sleep.
At first it's a nudge, and then its a weep

When she took to be my living wife.

But though she's gone, I will drift ever so deep

You somehow manage to make it appear that English is not your mother tongue.

H

[ShadowsCool]

Thanks Hillwalker

[islandclimber]

In a twelve line poem, using creep and sleep to finish three lines each is a little bit excessive. Rhyming verse can be excellent of course, but to be so it requires a little more variance in the rhymes. To use creep twice in the first stanza alone leaves the reader in fear of proceeding further. And this fear is realized fully as these rhymes continue be uncovered. It's just unimaginative to rhyme creep and sleep together twice in a twelve line poem. Not to mention the confusing use of language throughout.

Interesting subject matter though.