Did You Create this world For Me...??

[Sumz Nini]

Entrance to another world,
Covered with pretty flowers,
Smell the best feeling,

Autumn leaves & Rose petals,
make the path,
Soft & Fresh..

Birds sing the anthem,
Breeze murmur the tune,
Snow flakes dance for it...

your shadow is there,
for my every step...
protecting & guiding me..

There at the horizon,
The rays of sun & moon,
warm & charm,
as you wished...

Thank you ...
for everything...!!

[Pete Ak]

Entrance to another world,
Covered with pretty flowers,
Smell the best feeling,

Autumn leaves & Rose petals,
make the path,
Soft & Fresh..

Where is the path? To where does it lead? (Putting the answers to these questions may help to concrete the images and add interest)

Birds sing the anthem,
Breeze murmur the tune,
Snow flakes dance for it...

Three very familiar images I'm afraid.

your shadow is there,
for my every step...
protecting & guiding me..

Again a familiar concept that needs to be addressed in a different way. How does this make you feel to be protected and guided? You could make an interesting piece from discussing the tension between the comfort of such protection/guidance and the limitations it can also impose.

There at the horizon,
The rays of sun & moon,
warm & charm,
as you wished...

Soooooo familiar - you need to freshen these images.

Thank you ...
for everything...!!

A poem thanking the Lord for the beauty of the world. Laudable for a draft, but done so many times it would need to be startling to make an impact. This poem has some very lovely, sweet images but ultimately it isn't new.

[Delta40]

I completely agree with Pete. Morning Has Broken is an old favourite. It really does take something different to get people to listen.