Heaven's Road

[Lykren]

I am tired
the grass waves

Clouds wave
through windows
flighty
ephemerals
that dust
the sky
my hands
fall,

knot like roots
in the pale sunshine
sublime as white

shadows circling
the road above

Heaven's road echoes
with the dropping
fingers, space transforms

thoughts to smoke
in the instant
I wash
the window clean.

[Delta40]

why do you move from present to past tense? I struggled with the format too but aside from these two issues, I rather liked it.

[Lykren]

The tense change wasn't conscious, but I was thinking of To The Lighthouse and how the time perspective changes in the middle section, 'Time Passes'. Though, if I remember, the tense doesn't change in that book. Not sure. On second glance, the switch does seem slightly distracting here, so thanks for pointing it out to me.

By structure do you mean the lack of punctuation?

Edit: Fixed tenses.

[Delta40]

The lack of punctuation coupled with the particular layout hampered the flow for me. Lol. I had to use my brain more ok?

[Bar22do]

I like it. Especially the second S. Happy New Year to you! And thanks for this poem, seems spontaneous.

[firefangled]

I liked this. The line breaks were enough of a guide for reading, except I would make one line of flighty ephemerals.

That is a great section of To The Lighthouse, how it makes the house continue to live, though vacant.

[Lykren]

Thanks guys.