Disabled: The Giant

[Onirem2000]

If my jaw is bothering me it means my throat will be sore too my tongue might even tie my shoes for me. If my feet are cold I may see that my hands are getting frosty... imagine if I am trying to take a nap than what could be worse than a comforter smothering me. If I move my big toe it might appear that I have a tail. If I take a sniffle I may have to sneeze. I could find myself lost in a moment of hysteria over an ache or a pain or an itch somewhere unsavory. So I look at the clock and its tail really does move! I reckon there is a time for a nap, lunch, the television, and dinner. Maybe even chocolate for desert.

Of the time passing little I have to say of if it that it goes forward or back a word and if I watch that tail move I may get shivery and even so I may even giggle.
Okay. I took (the medications, the breakfast, the muscle rub, etc) all that I need. But if I were to forget all the doctor prescribed me, if I were to drop my eye on time I would be obliged to be at a loss for everything I value. I say forget time and all oooh lays claim too!

If I am obliged to speak of what gives value I will ask Shakespeare.
Shakespeare speaking at his utmost forbid his little stature and even his silly attire replied I’m obliged to say it has always been the clock. But, so he was trying to convey, the clock and its (psychic) powers and its (time) always seems to make our worth a bit weaker. Hmph. Viva la difference! Hail the clock’s time and see what you might find in a moment or a notice! A psyche lies in some kind of tick tock mechanism, or mechanics I believe they call it.

[Delta40]

Uhm. I think this is called navel gazing. You lost me on the first paragraph. In fact, the first sentence is grammatically incorrect and the punctuation is wrong. This continues throughout the piece (nobody writes 'Of the time passing little...' or '...and even so I may even giggle') as well as spelling mistakes. I won't read the other threads because you're only supposed to post one thread per day so I recommend you add these to this thread.

Overall, I'm not sure what the aim of this piece is.

[Onirem2000]

you're a dumbass. that's the point. get it together.

you need a drink.

I better get a piano since I'm no good at writing!

The point is to try to move the clock with your mind hopefully forward. Backword isn't that hard!

Do not reply again. I won't bother posting again.

[Delta40]

The rules of this forum are that you are open to feedback. If you can't take it and resort to name calling move to another website.

[Onirem2000]

fine!

[sarah.nichole]

That was so very confusing...

[Charles Darnay]

dude, I so felt the clock moving forward. It was like I could see time come alive before me as I read this piece. Now I want my time back.

[Onirem2000]

howabout try to move the clock's tail when you're real high. if you blink hard enough i swear it works!

[hillwalker]

Your snide comments are actually more entertaining than your OP - barely - but maybe you should keep them to yourself. Personally insulting readers you have invited to read your work isn't the way to go.

H

[Onirem2000]

Being silly is not so silly if you have a thought to keep an eye on. And being snide is my profession . All hail the land of the free.

-- Nicholas Merino

[Delta40]

Onirem/Merino - is that anything to do with a backward sheep whose tail seems to be attached to a clock? Now that would make an interesting story!

[Onirem2000]

I don't think you know who I am. I'm insulted to say i bothered posting anything. You bunch are really out of touch. But still thanks for the feedback. But i see some kind of higher good for the disabled and I think you are wasting my time. Thanks again.

[islandclimber]

In the immortal words of a certain Hercules Grytpype Thynne, "You silly twisted boy, you!"

[Onirem2000]

I do not think you have a regard for the supernatural. I may be too catholic. But you have no idea how entertaining being disabled and medicated really is.

The entire point of the story was to feel as stupid as possible as if you were overmedicated. Some good can come out of taking whatever and feeling as if you have some aptitude to do things that no one else can do.

I imagine you'll eventually find yourselves shocked for my entertainment! Go look at the final fantasy and Caesar's chocolate and let me know what you think. I am all ears for criticism for those two stories. This story was meant to evoke stupidity. The other two were dear to me and I am happy to revise them over and over as I have been

[Delta40]

The entire point of feedback is to evaluate your post but you bagged me with several posts and I didn't feel too kindly toward you after that. The fact that you have to point the aim of the story out to us suggests the problem lies with your writing. When I mentioned navel gazing or otherwise known as cranial thinking I meant you had submerged yourself a little too much in your own thoughts. This could be a good thing for part of a story but it isn't going to work as a whole. Apart from the minor stuff (which can all be fixed with edit) on its own, it doesn't really go anywhere. Why not flesh it out a bit more, have some lucid details that the reader can get their teeth into so that they don't lose track on the stupid overmedicated parts?

[Onirem2000]

The problem lies with that you're too naive too recognize the truths this story is based on. There is no problem with the writing you just don't have your mind on american couture. The details are inherent in being disabled and being disabled is highly entertaining whether or not you think you have a tail or you have your mind set on using psychokinesis to move a clock. Getting as high as possible to feel every bit of pain you have is a priority and prioritizing the unreal say a clock or the psychic aspect of the mind whatever it may be really keeps one going and at the least distracts one from pain. That was what I was trying to say. The reader I feel is not me and has no right to think they are. So I'm fed up with posting. Read my other stories and tell me if you think they rightfully need to be critiqued. I had my mind on the Baroque when writing and that's the feeling I want from them. I had little to nothing in mind with this story other then to feel stupid while writing it as I look to feel stupid when playing music

[islandclimber]

I say again... "You silly twisted boy, you!"

For one who flings insults so casually, your incoherency is astounding. Being disabled is inherently funny? Is this your opinion or is it fact? You seem content to say we, the readers, are too naive to understand the truths your story is based upon as though your highly subjective opinions are universally known objective truths (to follow in your footsteps and dip my toes in the waters of redundancy).

Why should we take the time to read and critique your other stories when you clearly cannot handle this critique you ask for?

[Onirem2000]

It is fact. Being disabled is hilarious if you can get away with it. I say it is fact. I find it so amusing that I have narcolepsy and that my eyes do not move at all and there is no one to recognize it. I feel the story is truth if you make the best of it absolutely. How about if you do not know what La La land is lets not bother. Give it some thought.

I've had a couple drinks and am just trying to reply. I'm getting sick of this. I really like my other stories not this one.

[DocHeart]

The way you treat the people who took the trouble to answer you is shocking. Do you believe they're supposed to just take it because you're disabled? Unfortunately, being disabled doesn't make you less obnoxious. It just makes you obnoxious and disabled.

[Onirem2000]

Get angry!

Okay I've had it with all this take it or leave it. You people are rather strange.

[islandclimber]

Would you prefer:

Gosh! Oh my! I feel faint! The audacity! The sheer brilliance! The irony and subtlety of wit! The clock! The tail! The pain! Shakespeare! La la land! Disability! With unprecedented boldness he breaks all the rules, ignores all conventions, doesn't even admit the concept of a literary box! All writers drop your pens, give up, cede graciously, find another creative outlet! This prose poem, this short story, this microcosm of a novel! The Orange; the Booker; the Anti-Booker; the Nobel! Yours! All yours!

[Onirem2000]

what is la la land?

be bold my friend. Or anyone who knows will never have respect for you of any kind.

[Delta40]

Of course disabilities are hilarious. I'm a fitter and turner. I've bitten my tongue so many times now it's forked. So what? You don't get extra credit for posting a piece of crap - just like people don't say 'this poet is epileptic so we better not hurt her feelings.'

[Onirem2000]

No you don't its crap. Read my other stories and let me know if
they're crap too. Howabout give La La Land some thought maybe you'll hear it if you're lucky. Thanks for the feedback.

[Delta40]

You obviously consider yourself above criticism since you can't take any. Yawn....(head hits keyboard) Then you insult your readers and reduce the likelihood of your other works being reviewed. Good luck with this amazing new approach

[Onirem2000]

what is LA LA LAND!?

[hillwalker]

The problem lies with that you're too naive too recognize the truths this story is based on.

Your rudeness isn't particularly surprising since you can't even be bothered to read the instructions before posting your work on here. But your over-inflated opinion of your talent is. Maybe you should invest in a full-length mirror and read to yourself while admiring your reflection.

H

[sarah.nichole]

Would you prefer: Gosh! Oh my! I feel faint! The audacity! The sheer brilliance! The irony and subtlety of wit! The clock! The tail! The pain! Shakespeare! La la land! Disability! With unprecedented boldness he breaks all the rules, ignores all conventions, doesn't even admit the concept of a literary box! All writers drop your pens, give up, cede graciously, find another creative outlet! This prose poem, this short story, this microcosm of a novel! The Orange; the Booker; the Anti-Booker; the Nobel! Yours! All yours!

I was very much thinking something similar to this.

Onirem: If you're so fed up with the feed back, why do you keep replying to everyone? I just think you're having fun provoking people. And if that's the case, congratulations, because I think it's working.

[hillwalker]

Onirem: If you're so fed up with the feed back, why do you keep replying to everyone?

Because that's all that trolls are able to do.

H

[sarah.nichole]

Because that's all that trolls are able to do. H

Wise words.

[miyako73]

Onirem, simplify your writing and make it readable/understandable. It seems you can write, and there are hidden ideas in your original post that currently reads like an incoherent babble. As far as I'm concerned, abstract or absurd writing is a waste of your time and your reader's.

[Buh4Bee]

Troll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!