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Onirem2000
12-31-2012, 02:49 AM
Julius Caesar’s chocolate was a voucher for man in general. He had few things to say of this chocolate other than that compared to most the food he ate it was sweet. He found its scent so desirable he belittled himself around those he knew unless he came to terms with this thing inside of him. He could not describe it. Even so, the night’s air turned into a fragrance, his cologne made of mint, garlic, and laurel became an embodiment of what he felt was right in him. He loved these smells but he still thought of a life in general foreign to the Roman body. He lusted after something. These two things were said much later almost as maxims-- when it was said, Rome swore they could have seen Caesar free and strong in the last great things a man could say. He wanted to leave Rome knowing all men knew men and mankind has seen a man do what men thought was nothing more than a condolence.


Years passed and his health declined his love lost its vigor though he remained vigilant. When death was at his doorstep he said immediately prior to death: honestly I have loved and no man has loved prior to Caesar. Caesar continued and thus spoke; to all my dearest I speak knowing my wives may despise me, “Caesar’s affection for chocolate was less of a confection but more of a desire for young men. In a big way, I Caesar, was confounded by just a little bit of chocolate making a dick just a wee bit bigger. I found it all nasty until it could find its way in. To those who do not understand I was happy but much happier in the presence of men, or within them, and finding my way toward more of them. Within or without being with a man or in a man, I cannot say you will ever find solace in a woman unless she has that sweet chocolate flavoring. None of which a wife of mine had—that sweet chocolate flavoring!

islandclimber
01-04-2013, 07:22 AM
I shall not rehash my comment from your story "Final Fantasy", as the same applies here. It appears you may have some intriguing ideas behind your prose. Your pieces come across like parables. Read Borges to get an idea of how brilliant this brief style can be. Unfortunately, your writing is so poor, that it masks these ideas almost entirely and leaves the reader with little idea of what exactly you are trying to express. I would suggest you improve your technical skills as a writer and marry this with the seemingly interesting content, and only then might you produce a winner. Cheers.

Onirem2000
01-04-2013, 07:29 AM
I have read Borges extensively and this is supposed to be mired in fantasy not magic realism. The story is supposed to express an endearing love of chocolate or whatever 'Caesar' with all his imaginary powers came to know of it thousands of years ago.

islandclimber
01-04-2013, 07:36 AM
Borges would not appreciate this tossing of his work into the magical realism category. I would suggest that it is wrong myself. His work is full of fantastical elements, only it transcends the bounds of that generally stultifying genre (fantasy).

Yes, I understood the basic drift of this story, but the writing is too poor for any further meaning to shine through. Your work will remain shallow and one-dimensional until you improve the technical level of your writing. Basic grammar and syntax are a necessity for coherency.

Onirem2000
01-04-2013, 07:39 AM
Uh huh. Thanks.