PDA

View Full Version : The Final Fantasy



Onirem2000
12-31-2012, 02:44 AM
The Final Fantasy

When the dead find their ways to heaven they realize finally that after all that they have died. Vincent Van Gogh, the Artist’s artist died because he thought he was so so or what he reckoned tacky. This reckoning, or chilling, the cooling of the destitute man’s self’ portrait sought a wake of tackiness brought what he wanted to be an end: in accounting for his losses his sensibility dwindled, but yet the man who reached the glory like Titian found himself accounting for Cherubs like a dervish racing through the heavens’ visions of colors and sensations most of which encompassed him in fantasy. I say of this hero he could be a martyr because he lost his soul to the frivolity of the time and because of this he had already found his way into death, dying by the disregard of a craft made mad or an art made heathen and had acted as if he were begotten to be the one who committed suicide. This man lied so endearingly that he continued to recreate himself in the sense that a day had passed or a night had ended. In this new day one could say there are many things that allude to the finality of death: smarts, godliness, or fanaticism, but all these point to being and to being alive but still yet to the being without the needed heed for Death if such a person exists. When Death finally presents you really know you should be ready to mobilize to fight until you die. To rid you of all these things of the likes of the immaterial, the immortal, the endless, the end which no one proper has any knowledge you have to make a pledge. The pledge is more of a feeling of good: the desire of seeing all that you find good. Thus in death you realize you are the dead but still more of a person than anything else that can be conceived of it. And when you die you there starts the becoming of the dead. Or at last you have become one of the dead. But there is not a soul on heaven, the earth, or throughout the universe that can disprove that I know everyone somehow comes back alive whether it is through life or in death. Herein lay the secrets of living or of the reckoning-- of what one may call the future. Therein lays the end.

islandclimber
01-04-2013, 07:08 AM
This seems to me more of an opinion piece than a short story. Or maybe a parable á la Borges. There are some interesting concepts within, some interesting use of language, and there may be a story here that could be fleshed out, spun into something worthwhile, but... In its current shape it comes across as nonsensical and incoherent, it's hardly readable. You might be capable of understanding this grammatical nightmare but no reader will figure it out. There are far too many sentences that really make no sense at all and not because of some post-modern opacity, nor a desire to playfully obfuscate, but due to a lackadaisical usage of the English language. Sentences such as: "and when you die you there starts the becoming of the dead"; and "but all these point to being alive but still yet to the being without the needed heed for death if such a person exists." They are incoherent nonsense due to grammatical syntax atrocities committed, not to mention words seemingly thrown in at random with no connection to the rest of the sentence.

Currently, this piece is close to unreadable, however interesting the ideas within might be.

Onirem2000
01-04-2013, 07:17 AM
I prefer to speak in persian and had that in mind. I have little regard for proper english. But i appreciate the feedback.

Onirem2000
01-10-2013, 02:24 AM
I gave it one more shot. This is more of the direction I would prefer my writing to go into (the edit Final Fantasy). I intend on reading quite a bit more once i transfer to a university in the fall and will probably keep on rewriting short little stories. I agree with you on the sentences and haven't had any luck revising them and probably will not for a while and edited them out for the time being. I'll post it on the short story forum. Thanks for the feedback island climber. I'm sorry that I have been a bit *****y lately.