Nostalgia for Post-modern Recession on the News

[islandclimber]

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[Delta40]

Well I read that three times over my early morning tea and decided I like it, both what I understand and what I don't. Somewhere between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, you've packed a punch that smacks the political yet remains so personal. A subjective stewing full of interesting flavours.

[WolfLarsen]

I like it. It's different. Wild bizarre imagery.

Almost stopped reading during the first paragraph – but it got more interesting after that!

[hillwalker]

Takes us places - great poetry.

H

[miyako73]

This is indeed postmodern poetry. Everything is in it except the proverbial sink. hehehehe. I love it. I love how you mishmash images to ruin expectation and predictability.

[WolfLarsen]

This is indeed postmodern poetry. Everything is in it except the proverbial sink. hehehehe. I love it. I love how you mishmash images to ruin expectation and predictability.

All creative artists & writers should march down the streets together and chant:

"RUIN EXPECTATION AND PREDICTABILITY!

RUIN EXPECTATION AND PREDICTABILITY!

RUIN EXPECTATION AND PREDICTABILITY!"

Those of us who are creative may have our different styles – but let us be united in ruining expectation and predictability!

[islandclimber]

...mishmash images to ruin expectation and predictability.

Miyako. This line is brilliant. I love this idea.

Thank you all for the responses. There is something about this piece that bothers me and I just can't place my finger upon it... I suppose that is why I placed it here, in a not so desperate attempt to discover the calamity hidden within. Although, maybe I'm falling into those hopelessly paranoid realms with regards to my own efforts. Egads.

Wolf, how do you think those first lines could be improved?

Delta, you wrote it was a few readings to decide you liked it... Was there anything that gave pause at first, something that might not work within it?

Cheers

[firefangled]

Glad to see you back IC. This poem seems highly apropriate for the times. My favorite was S3 & S5.

[Paulclem]

I liked it - the images are startling and memorable, and go along with the sense of chaotic depression within. Good stuff. I had read it just after you posted it, but didn't comment then. I re-read it again just now and it was even better.

[DocHeart]

Exquisite. I must look up your previous contributions now.

So many thanks for sharing.

DH

[Haunted]

I like it. The good part starts in S2 for me, it wows me, that's when it becomes "real". The rest sustains the level and depth of the message. Keep it coming!

[islandclimber]

Thank you FireFangled, PaulClem, DocHeart, and Haunted. It's great to be back on this site and to see the poetry section still so alive and vibrant.

[WolfLarsen]

Wolf, how do you think those first lines could be improved?



After the first paragraph your poem is exciting to read!

But the first paragraph is not that exciting to read. A lot of people won't get to the second paragraph if the first paragraph doesn't grab them by the balls.

My advice: grab the reader by the balls in the first sentence and don't let go!

[Haunted]

After the first paragraph your poem is exciting to read!

But the first paragraph is not that exciting to read. A lot of people won't get to the second paragraph if the first paragraph doesn't grab them by the balls.

My advice: grab the reader by the balls in the first sentence and don't let go!

I agree S2 comes in real strong and it demonstrates that a lot of the times when we write, losing the first part often results in a stronger piece, as the opening is more or less a warmup.

However S1, in this instance, works quite well because of the repetition, which builds towards S2 which delivers big time. So my vote is keep the first stanza.

[islandclimber]

Thanks Haunted. I was trying to put my finger on what it was exactly that bothered me about that first stanza, and at the same time what was keeping me from modifying or discarding it, and I think the slow building through repetition is exactly right. Even though the start opens more with a whimper than a shout, I think that was my intent originally, to build the sadness slowly through repetition into the second stanza where the poem would take a dramatic turn and would eventually scream out loud.

Thanks for the critique. It certainly helps.

[Delta40]

Delta, you wrote it was a few readings to decide you liked it... Was there anything that gave pause at first, something that might not work within it?

Me? Not at all - I'm merely uneducated. Stumbling across your poem forced me to swish it across the ol taste buds a couple of times because I've got nothing else but them to go on!

[qimissung]

I love it i love it i love it!!! !

[islandclimber]

Thanks Qimi! :)

Delta. I suppose you're right, that education of yours appears to be severely lacking! :p (I hope the playfulness of this comment is apparent otherwise I'm going to appear quite awful!)

I had this idea in my head when I posted this piece of an egregious error I could not identify. It is likely 'twas only my poetic insecurities tweaking me by the nose to paraphrase a certain English bard.

[Delta40]

Lol. Must I google the bard? I'm trying to order William McGonagall's best works atm....!

[islandclimber]

William McGonagall had best works? You might have a little trouble ordering such hypothetical works...!

[Delta40]

Tee hee. I have a friend who deserves only the best that McGonagall can offer...