Weakened Mind

[miyako73]

Tired of speaking in riddles
Like an oracle on hashish
Nobody can understand,
Of writing short stories
And poems no one reads,
And of brushing my teeth
That leaves cuts and blood
On my gums and tongue,
I long to run away naked
Following the grassy trail
That leads to the woods
Thick and grey in winter
Or just stay still in my bed
Not caring if there is a war
Or a high-intensity earthquake
Or a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

[qimissung]

On the whole, I like it Miyako. It reminds me of your "signature" quote, and of course the moment that each person who writes faces at least occasionally when we wonder, "Who we are writing for"?

[AuntShecky]

Heartfelt sentiment, no question. Some of your allusions are intriguing -- like the Krispy Kreme doughnut, but the imagery is scattershot, all over the place, with the only thing missing the proverbial kitchen sink. I'm well aware that jumbled thoughts may be symptoms of "a weakened mind" but conveying that message in a formal poem requires some kind of unified vision, "connection." If you can think up a way to link all these images together, I think this piece would be vastly improved.

[miyako73]

Thanks, quimi and Auntie. I'm too mentally weak to connect all my thoughts.

It was an experiment. I wrote all the thoughts that came to mind while sitting in front of my desktop.

the news about Afghanistan
earthquake in the Caribbean
my craving for a glazed doughnut

and everything about writing, brushing teeth, walking in the woods, smoking weed, reading a book on Greek tragedies, getting naked, and going back to bed.

I should stop reading "Postmodern American Poetry: A Norton Anthology." It makes me focus on the process of writing more than the outcome.

[WolfLarsen]

This is a great poem!

Like I said before: when some people don't like what you're doing you know you're doing something good!
Whatever it is they don't like about your poetry do even more of it and your poetry will be even better! (I'm not going to name any names.)

Miyako is turning out creativity on a regular basis! Something we need more of around here!

But if she/he follows too much of the bad advice that she/he is getting on this website his/her stuff is going to become conventional, tame, and boring - how horrible!

Miyako - thank you for making it worth my while to read your poetry!