The Abortion of an Unnamed Baby

[Jassy Melson]

It happened on December 25, 2012
Money changed hands:
an abortion was performed.

Everything went well.
The abortion took only
a short amount of time.
The once-potential mother is doing well
although she appears a bit depressed.
We made a substantial profit.

Money changed hands yet again:
The dead baby's tissue was sold
to a stem research facility.
A substantial profit was made.

Overall the entire operation went well.
Our plans for population control
are developing quite nicely;
and we made a substantial profit.

[Delta40]

I don't mind cold, blunt statements however as a poem, it's not very well constructed. You have the potential to make more of this if you combine it with another style of writing.

[Anton Hermes]

There's nothing more crass than anti-abortion propaganda. And this is poorly done even by those low standards: the "once-potential mother"? A "stem research facility"? "Overall the entire operation"?

Misbegotten. No pun intended.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for your opinions.

[cafolini]

You wish they were only opinions.

[Jassy Melson]

I quit wishing anything a long time ago.

[Pete Ak]

It's a brave piece that's for sure. The conversational (prosaic) approach you adopt doesn't work too well for me I think perhaps because the voice is so disconnected almost robotic. I suspect that is your intention so well done if it is - I just don't engage with it. I do appreciate the narrative tho which you have written in such a way as to encourage me (at least) to read on.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for your comment. It was my intention to make part of it a robot-like voice to represent the abortion factory, mill, combine and profit-making industry that exists in this country.

[qimissung]

I appreciate your desire to show us the negatives of abortion. It is sad when a young woman, too often alone, must come to this decision. But I question whether people who perform abortions are making money on it. Also, while I understand your desire to make the voice robotic, I must decry the complete lack of anything symbolic, metaphoric or even tragic about this piece.

[Charles Darnay]

The abortion business, at least in Canada and the US, is not a lucrative one. It is not one to go into to make good money. Perhaps in places where people are forced into the black market to get one - that is the "ol' coat hanger shop" - there is more money to be made.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for your comments.

[AuntShecky]

Not sure a poem is the appropriate venue to debate controversial topics, though it's been done and done well, notwithstanding the fact that acutely topical issues have a very short shelf-life while good poetry is in it for the long haul. (That's why we seldom hear much about the highly political verses of the 1960s verses by folks like Ted Berrigan and Vietnam-themed poems of Robert Bly today, except for their historic interest. On the other hand, Ginsberg and the Beats decried Eisenhower a lot, but we still read their poems.)

The main flaw in this obviously sincere effort is that it is much too literal.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for your opinion.

[WolfLarsen]

Worse poem I've read in a while.

However, I defend your right to write a poem about whatever you want.

Even if the poem is horrible.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for your comment--even though it was exaggerated.

[Lykren]

I think the poem is good.

I think the association of abortion with greed is idiotic.

[hillwalker]

I think the poem is good.

I think the association of abortion with greed is idiotic.

. . . except that it's actually a piece of prose chopped up into separate lines to make it look like a poem. So it fails on two levels.

H

[Volya]

. . . except that it's actually a piece of prose chopped up into separate lines to make it look like a poem. So it fails on two levels.

H

Surely you could say that about a lot of poems. Part of a poem is about how it is presented.

[hillwalker]

Not at all
This isn't a poem
is it?

Poetry and prose are two separate means of expression, though a prose poem can combine the two. Chopping prose into bits does not magically transform it into poetry.

It happened on December 25, 2012. Money changed hands: an abortion was performed. Everything went well. The abortion took only a short amount of time. The once-potential mother is doing well although she appears a bit depressed. We made a substantial profit.
Money changed hands yet again: the dead baby's tissue was sold to a stem research facility. A substantial profit was made. Overall the entire operation went well. Our plans for population control are developing quite nicely; and we made a substantial profit.

If you reckon this ^^ is poetry then maybe you seriously should try reading some.

H

[Lykren]

What then, Hillwalker, IS the difference between poetry and prose? Apparently, according to you, this is not a poem:

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

because it sure looks like it could be turned into a single prose sentence to me.

[Charles Darnay]

I thought someone might rebut with Williams - I was expecting the plums.

[Jerrybaldy]

Wolf hated it What better commendation could any writer hope for? I agree you lost the way a little on the being lucrative for the medical people but other than that I thought you did a good job.

[qimissung]

Also, please don't start having an argument about what poetry is. Please, I beg of you. :D

[Volya]

Also, please don't start having an argument about what poetry is. Please, I beg of you. :D

My lips are sealed.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you all for your comments. They made me think.