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GMC
12-23-2012, 03:20 AM
Author's Note: The beginning of a longer story I'd like to write, but I feel this portion is interesting enough. Lemme know what you think.

She meets his dogs today. Three dark figures. Three nameless animals.

The mood is solemn, but she feels an intoxicating charge. He stands tall above the beasts in shadow, slowly unbuckling the leather straps that hold them. All restraints fall from the heaving masses. One animal emerges from the dark, drool cascading from lips pulled to a cautionary snarl. The other two slink out behind, resting impatiently at their sibling's heels. She lowers herself to her knees, slowly stretching a hand towards Alpha's head. Beta and Charlie squirm at the gesture. They shift from one prostrate position to another. Beast one continues forward, allowing its exposed teeth to brush against her hand and wet her fingers. Her breast lays perfectly still as the wolf comes nearer and sniffs at her nose and mouth. Her eyes close. She feels teeth against her lips. The creature growls, pushing its mouth to her ear. She feels the vibration in her throat. She hears this wild whisper, the snuffling and growling.

She growls back. Her arm still outstretched, she strokes the beast's side slowly. Both wary, they snarl at each other. The sound resonates between their throats as they argue. The growls grow louder. She matches each sound. So it goes, back and forth. Beast. Man. Beast. Man. For a small moment, she thinks she recognizes something. Between the incantations she hears a word. It bursts open like a seed in her mind. She grasps a handful of fur, lifting another arm now to embrace him in full. She pulls him towards her with both hands. Startled, the animal snaps and recoils. Her ear is torn off. Her face burns. Head down, she tastes blood. She coughs and chokes. Lifting her face, she spits. The dogs are back in shadow. He chains them again, quickly this time. She holds her ear, remembering what she heard.

He wraps a clean rag to her head. The blood remains, crusted to her face, the taste of iron. She sleeps in the shed beneath lantern light, back facing the dogs.

Tonight, she dreams of a behemoth from the forest. Massive heels mash the trees, the plants, the animals. Diamond hands crush mountains. Two black boulder eyes behold the end. The Earth is mixed to soil.

She wakes this morning facing his dogs. Sunlight floods through the slats. All shadow is reduced. Pink-smeared teeth glare. Mangled fur juts all ways. Foggy red eyes flicker. Alpha barks a horrible snarled cry at her, spittle spinning and gliding. She shuts her eyes tightly, begging the night again. The wound draws her hand. With one ear she hears footsteps. He enters the shed, bow and quiver at his back. Get up, he says. The wild man takes his dogs.

hillwalker
12-23-2012, 08:03 AM
This is certainly interesting enough, and the quality of your writing shines through.

I thought at first she was a dog-whisperer or something similar but perhaps not. I'm guessing we will discover her motivation for behaving this way in whatever follows should you continue writing.

At the moment, regardless of the power of your writing, I feel disengaged from the action. You're reporting what happened but since neither of your characters have names it's difficult to interact with them as a dispassionate reader.

H

Delta40
12-23-2012, 05:14 PM
The constant reference to 'she' is off putting. I would agree that this story would have more interest for me if the character was not so anonymous. I don't like the ongoing telling style of the story and I think you need to revisit the approach of 'this happens, then this happens, then this happens next...' before it starts to read like a shopping list. Otherwise you're not burying me under too much detail which is good and your writing skills could produce a very good piece of work

GMC
12-28-2012, 09:56 PM
Thanks for the feedback you two. I see where you're coming from with the usage of "she". My writing style is kind of halted right now I can see. I definitely need to keep working on these things.