I Need Not Endure it Again.

[Pete Ak]

E d i t.

Screeching, feral imaginings
intertwined as wild bramble.
Ideas, tangled like the hair on my afro head
Tousled and twisted around a barbed-wire thread.

Synapses once glittered sharp.
Instantaneous reflections of intersecting
rainbows and raindrops became, thorn-laden
thoughts shredding neurones into chaos.

Kind faced therapist clipped and hacked
at the mess of raveled briar and thistle
To no avail. The harder she flailed, the thicker
the weeds conspired like vagabonds
seeking refuge from memory’s vigilantes.

Stalking redemption…
I grasped the strongest bramble.
It’s longest, sharpest prick.
impaled the flesh of my palm.
That strongest bough,
a lifetime thick,
was about to be hoisted
by its own petard.
With skewered hand
I drew it’s length hard
from my head via my ear.

I pulled the shambles
through cruciated brains.
Every tearing spike, each razor shard
tore the membranes of my mind apart.
Shrieking, lacerating relief.
Blood red tears cascaded as
crimson waterfalls into the healing dust.
Pain, now history, will remain,
but if I confront it, dauntless -
I need not endure it again.





Original here:-
(Mind crammed with screeching, feral notions.
Imaginings, as intertwined as wild bramble
rooted in horse-manured earth.
Ideas, as tangled as the hair on my afro head,
tousled and twisted around a barbed-wire thread.

Inside my brain at synaptic junctions,
where once glittered sharp instantaneous reflections
of raindrops and rainbows intersecting -
Furze-laden thoughts had shredded
it into chaos and confusion.

The kind faced therapist
clipped and hacked
at the mess of tangled thorn and thistle.
To no avail.
The harder she flailed, the thicker
the weeds conspired like vagabonds
seeking refuge from memory's vigilantes.

Ultimately I found my own redemption.
I needed first to grasp the strongest bramble
by it's longest, sharpest prick.
Impaled into my flesh, that hardy bough,
a lifetime thick, was about to be hoisted
by its own petard. Skewered to my hand,
I drew it from my head, through my ear.

It hurt to drag the whole shambles of brambles out.
Briers, wrapped about barbed wire
scraped through my brain. With each millimetre
the lacerating razor shards tore the membranes
of my mind apart.
Blood red tears cascaded as crimson waterfalls.
Every drop splattered into the healing dust.
The hurt, like my history will forever remain,
but if I confront it, dauntless
I need not endure it again.)

[hillwalker]

It's a bit overwrought is it not? So many convoluted phrases that it became a chore to read. Have you tried reading this out loud?

It looks like something you might have written in your youth - overcome by the exuberance of exploring language but not making any allowance for the reader.

And 'rooted in horse-manured earth' is perhaps pushing the gardening metaphor beyond the point of credibility.

H3K

[Pete Ak]

Yes H, this is more than a few years old. I'll admit I was excited when I re-discovered it, though I'm not sure it does what I hoped it would do. My reason for posting is to garner opinion on whether or not it's saveable/saveworthy?

[Pete Ak]

Having had a significant edit I wonder if this reads more convincingly?

[Delta40]

I rather like it myself - minus S3 which doesn't really add to the experience for me of trying to unload one's mind or understand it. I especially liked the final verse and its graphic imagery.