My new book, The Third Generation. Dystopian fiction

[darkdreams]

Hi,

The first part of my YA dystopian novel is currently free to download from the link below.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Third-Generation-Enigma-ebook/dp/B00A806NHG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354094141&sr=8-1&keywords=the+third+generation+charlotte+birch

Summary:

Her mother tried to protect her from the City and its ways, she failed.

At fifteen Liza Glass has just had her Operation to become a Third Generation, she now looks like every girl her age, only told apart by the implant on her arm. Not only is she trying to deal with her new appearance but then there are other things for her to cope with too.

Her Grandma resents her.

She is stuck in a new class and has become the latest victim of Mia and her gang of bullies.

Her best friend Arla is still a Second Generation.

Then there’s the boy from the rain who she can’t stop thinking about.

As her Grandma’s behavior becomes odder and Mia’s actions becomes more sinister things soon worsen for Liza; dangerously so.



As it's my first published book I'd be interested in what you guys think.

Thank you
Charlotte

[hillwalker]

Hi Charlotte,

Congratulations on being a fellow-Kindler.

I had a quick look at the sample page and I can't say tyour Prologue would make me want to continue reading. The first two sentences are overlong - there's a basic grammatical error you've allowed to slip through (Cities should be City's) - and the rather muddled writing makes it difficult to figure out what it is that won't go undetected for long. The way it's written 'it' can only be the city's perimeter, but I guess you meant the shack.

The first chapter has a better opening - what bit I saw of it. I'm always amazed why some writers insert a Prologue before Chapter 1. Why not begin with the story with the main character and feed her background in as the story unravels?

As for your summary - or 'blurb'. It's 50% interesting (2nd and 3rd Generation suggests an intriguing picture of the future) but 50% boring (a schoolgirl being bullied and thinking about a guy). If this is how you're intending hooking readers to download your e-book you might want to make it a lot darker. Just a hint or two. Having granny behave oddly isn't really going to attract the vampire/zombie fans.

Good luck with this

H

[WolfLarsen]

Hi,

The first part of my YA dystopian novel is currently free to download from the link below.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Third-Generation-Enigma-ebook/dp/B00A806NHG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354094141&sr=8-1&keywords=the+third+generation+charlotte+birch

Summary:

Her mother tried to protect her from the City and its ways, she failed.

At fifteen Liza Glass has just had her Operation to become a Third Generation, she now looks like every girl her age, only told apart by the implant on her arm. Not only is she trying to deal with her new appearance but then there are other things for her to cope with too.

Her Grandma resents her.

She is stuck in a new class and has become the latest victim of Mia and her gang of bullies.

Her best friend Arla is still a Second Generation.

Then there’s the boy from the rain who she can’t stop thinking about.

As her Grandma’s behavior becomes odder and Mia’s actions becomes more sinister things soon worsen for Liza; dangerously so.



As it's my first published book I'd be interested in what you guys think.

Thank you
Charlotte

I like it.

[tonywalt]

Excellent from what I've read so far - keep writing.

[darkdreams]

Hi,

Thanks for your feedback, it's always good to get positive and negative.

As for the prologue, I wouldn't change it. I wanted the contrast between third and first person and I wanted to create mystery. As for it being muddled, that was intended. As with everything some people will like my style and some won't, I wouldn't have it any other way.

As for the storyline, it's aimed at young adults and it's dystopian, not glittery vampires or again more zombies. And I can assure you if you read on you'd realise it was very dark. I have never been able to write anything and not make it dark. But there's a different between gradually making it darker and darker and going straight in over the top.

Oh and its teen, the love interest comes with the territory, and to be fair he's barely in the first part, not in the second at all and doesn't come back till the third. It's not some Twilight love story, i can assure you that, else I may as well give up hope now.

You should read on, I'd be interested to hear your opinions after you've read abit more, even if you hate it even more than the prologue.

Thank you
Charlotte

[darkdreams]

Glad you both like it :)