The important Questions of life put into Poetry i call this 'GEOMETRY OF THE MASSES'

[scrotera777]

Geometry of the masses
Makes us all seem like fascists
A burden of mathematics
Is a A philosophers answer to an unasked question?
A shaman's dream is A Christians heretic nightmare
A devil in red
Or a saint in Bed?
A disguised sinner
Or a secretive Saint?
Both are shepherds of the same tame lame flock
Just outwardly proclaim different masters
Though inside they are the same
Ego of Deaf
Or Death of the ego?
A blind man see's more all just with his ear's
Yet is blind to all as well more than his peers
A deaf man hears more truth than one with perfect hearing
Yet worship no false God of sound
Given and Taken?
The for granted are more
The less are common
Yet are worth more?
10'000 peasants or 10 King's
WHICH is worth MORE?

[hillwalker]

The 'important questions of life put into poetry' - then you expect anyone to take this nonsense seriously?
I suggest you climb off your high mountain and join the rest of us down here.

The for granted are more
The less are common
Yet are worth more?

meaning what exactly?

H

PS - also try reading the forum rules - no more than one post in any 24 hour period to allow other posters a chance to have their work read worldwide

[scrotera777]

8541 seeeee

[hillwalker]

I'm happy for you. Sorry, but I still think this sucks.

H

[miyako73]

This sounds like a lecture of a know-it-all professor high on crack.

[Paulclem]

I'd like to offer a comment in your poem.

I think anyone reading this would find it difficult to relate to it. What I mean is that you begin the poem with a poetic idea - the geometry of the masses - which is an interesting phrase with poetic potential. The problem is the idea is not explored. I reckon you have a few ideas circulating in the poem, but you don't expand on them.

An appoach that might help with this is to select real life examples that illustrate or lead to these poetic ideas. A concrete scene or example would be something the reader can easily associate with or visualise. You then develop the idea and invest that image with further meaning.

One poem that does this is Philip Larkin's Sunny Prestatyn. In it he describes a large advert by the road that has a picture if a woman in a bikini which has been defaced with graffitti of male genitals. This kind of thing, which we have all seen sometime or another, leads us into the idea of how Sunny Prestatyn - a Welsh holiday resort - is advertised. It obviously uses sex which is made baldly plain by the graffitti.

My point is that he begins with a real scene and then links this to the more abstract use of advertising. I'll post a link to the poem later when I'm on the computer.

Later edit:

This is the link:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178051

It's a pretty graphic poem, and its main concern is the exploitation of sex and the rather disturbing response to it - particularly in that last line - Now Fight cancer is there.

He begins with the advert and what happens to it, but the whole thing takes on new meaning saying something about advertising, society and attitdes towards it. Your poem in contrast seems to go for the big idea first when it may have been better to relate the familiar to the abstract idea.

I hope this is helpful.