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Jerrybaldy
12-13-2012, 08:01 PM
Sat beneath this bridge.
I am sat beneath this bridge.
More concrete above my head than I would like.
Soft green stalegtites ooze toward my bed.
My bed.
Cardboard lacing concrete.
The place I lay my head.
My socks are frigid, wet.
My thoughts are fluid.
Flowing from anger to abyss.
A duck is on the river.
Not feeling the cold.
I should f uck it.
F uck a duck.
My skin is keeping my bones cold.
I light my zippo
and light my knitted jumper.
Warm beneath the bridge
my chin
my chin is melting skin.
Man on fire,
I chase that duck downstream.

Haunted
12-13-2012, 11:18 PM
I think I remember the original which you deleted, it came back 100x more powerful. I can feel every bit of it, the cold, the burning. Incredible poem, one I would certainly return to read again.

Pete Ak
12-14-2012, 01:27 AM
Impressive the way you draw the reader into the narrator's turmoil. Also how you describe the angst without coming across as 'angsty' if you accept the expression! The phrase "...from anger to abyss" has a strange effect on me - I can't decide for myself if I consider it genius or nonsense; guess I should give you the benefit of any doubt coz the rest of it is awesome.

Delta40
12-14-2012, 05:59 AM
Some guy boarded the bus today wearing a t-shirt which read:

Go to Bunnings
buy some wood
build a bridge
and get over it!

Others crawl under it and get eaten by trolls...

Another Baldy gem.

hillwalker
12-14-2012, 06:32 AM
Disturbing imagery - 'anger to abyss' is the path so many would choose if they knew the shortcut.

H

Bar22do
12-14-2012, 05:31 PM
Extremely strong. Your poem "is keeping my bones cold."

Jerrybaldy
12-14-2012, 07:31 PM
Thank you regular readers for your comments. No ducks were hurt in this production. Except that one. He had it coming. Quack.