Jassy Melson
12-12-2012, 05:38 PM
Horserump: Hey, have you heard the latest?
Goatbreath: No, what's up.
Horserump: Jassy Melson has had a book published.
Cowdung: You've got to be kidding me.
Horsebreath: No, I heard it from Horsemouth. And get this: The title of the book is The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories.
Goatbreath: I don't believe it. You know what I think? I think Jassy Melson has started a rumor to get back at all of us.
Cowdung: How do we know it's not just a rumor?
Horserump: I looked it up. There is a book that's been newly published by Tanasi Press entitled The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories. I even checked the ISBN number on it. There's no doubt about it. It's been published.
Cowdung: Hard to believe.
Goatbreath: Yeah, especially after that story.
Horserump: Which story?
Goatbreath: The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown.
Cowdung: I must admit, I haven't read it, but reading all the posts from all of you, I just assumed it was a bad story.
Goatbreath: Oh, it's a bad story, all right. It's one of the worst stories that's ever been posted on here.
Horserump: Have you read it?
Goatbreath: Well, no, but reading Horsemouth's denunciation of it it made me think it must be pretty rotten.
Cowdung: I agree. If Horsemouth said it was bad, then it has to be bad.
Horserump: I don't know. Apparently by its being published someone must think it's pretty good—good enough to be published anyway.
Goatbreath: I still think it's a hoax. Jassy Melson have a book published? Come on. It's a joke. I mean, have you read anything he's written?
Horserump: Other than a few poems by him, no, I haven't.
Goatbreath: Take it from me, his writing sucks. Just like his attitude does.
Horserump: What about his attitude?
Goatbreath: Oh, he comes on like he's some kind of professional writer and he's going to impart his great wisdom and experience about writing to all the peons on the site.
Cowdung: He is full of himself, isn't he.
Horserump: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous.
Goatbreath and Cowdung (in unison): Jealous!
Goatbreath: Jealous of what?
Horserump: Oh, maybe jealous of his talent.
Goatbreath: He has no talent!
Cowdung: I agree. He hides behind his limp words, and he gets angry if anyone disagrees with him.
Goatbreath: Have you read any of his posts? It's enough to make you, for want of a better word, puke.
Cowdung: He's always tooting his own horn.
Goatbreath: Yes, and it's lousy notes he plays.
(Goatbreath and Cowdung laugh at Goatbreath's excellent put-down of Jassy Melson.)
Horserump: Well, I still say that someone must have seen some merit in his writing to publish it.
Goatbreath: And I still think it's a hoax.
Cowdung: I agree. I think it's a rumor, and you know how rumors are. Once they get started, they're hard to stop.
Goatbreath: If Jassy Melson has had a book published, I'll eat my shorts.
Horserump: Would you like fries with that?
Cowdung: So you believe he has had a book published?
Horserump: Why not? There have been all kinds of books published.
Goatbreath: If Jassy Melson has had a book published entitled The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories, it will make me lose faith in the publishing business.
Cowdung: Me too.
Horserump: I'm sure of it now.
Goatbreath: Sure of what?
Horserump: That you're merely jealous. You put his writing down without even having read it.
Goatbreath: There's no use in it. I know it will be bad.
Horserump: How do you know?
Goatbreath: I just know, that's all.
Horserump: That's no answer.
Goatbreath: It's the only one I'm going to give.
Cowdung: It's good enough for me.
Horserump: Not for me.
Goatbreath: Why are you taking up for Jassy Melson anyway? You were one of the most critical denunciators of his posts
Horserump: I'm not taking up for him. It's just not right to put down someone's work that you haven't even read, that's all.
Goatbreath: I'm not putting down his work. I'm simply criticizing something I know is bad.
Horserump: If you don't know what you're doing is wrong, then there's no use in me telling you anything.
Goatbreath: Don't tell me anything anyway. I don't care.
Cowdung: Neither do I. (to Horserump) I think you're taking up for a lousy writer.
Horserump: How would you know? You haven't read his work either.
Cowdung: Like Goatbreath, I don't have to read his work.
Horserump: You two are unbelievable.
Goatbreath: No, we're not. We're just truthful, that's all.
Horserump: Unreal.
Cowdung: No, but Jassy Melson's writing is.
(Goatbreath and Cowdung laugh at Cowdung's excellent putdown of Jassy Melson.)
Horserump: You know what you make me want to do?
Cowdung: What's that?
Horserump: Read Jassy Melson's work.
Goatbreath: That would be your misfortune; not ours.
(Again they laugh.)
Horserump: I'm leaving you two with your prejudice. (He departs.)
Cowdung: Don't go away mad.
Goatbreath: Just go away.
(Yet again they laugh.)
Cowdung: I guess we told him.
Goatbreath: Yes, we did.
(Jassy Melson enters.)
Jassy Melson: Hi. I heard you two don't like Jassy Melson's work.
Goatbreath: Who are you?
Jassy Melson: Just someone who overhears people talk.
Cowdung: You look familiar.
Jassy Melson: I should. I'm what you could call a gadfly.
Cowdung: A who?
Jassy Melson: Never mind.
Goatbreath: Don't worry, we won't
(Again Horsebreath and Cowdung laugh at Horsebreath's excellent put down of Jassy Melson.)
Jassy Melson: Something tells me that here we go again.
The End (Let's not beat a dead horse.)
P.S. Guess who's laughing last?
Goatbreath: No, what's up.
Horserump: Jassy Melson has had a book published.
Cowdung: You've got to be kidding me.
Horsebreath: No, I heard it from Horsemouth. And get this: The title of the book is The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories.
Goatbreath: I don't believe it. You know what I think? I think Jassy Melson has started a rumor to get back at all of us.
Cowdung: How do we know it's not just a rumor?
Horserump: I looked it up. There is a book that's been newly published by Tanasi Press entitled The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories. I even checked the ISBN number on it. There's no doubt about it. It's been published.
Cowdung: Hard to believe.
Goatbreath: Yeah, especially after that story.
Horserump: Which story?
Goatbreath: The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown.
Cowdung: I must admit, I haven't read it, but reading all the posts from all of you, I just assumed it was a bad story.
Goatbreath: Oh, it's a bad story, all right. It's one of the worst stories that's ever been posted on here.
Horserump: Have you read it?
Goatbreath: Well, no, but reading Horsemouth's denunciation of it it made me think it must be pretty rotten.
Cowdung: I agree. If Horsemouth said it was bad, then it has to be bad.
Horserump: I don't know. Apparently by its being published someone must think it's pretty good—good enough to be published anyway.
Goatbreath: I still think it's a hoax. Jassy Melson have a book published? Come on. It's a joke. I mean, have you read anything he's written?
Horserump: Other than a few poems by him, no, I haven't.
Goatbreath: Take it from me, his writing sucks. Just like his attitude does.
Horserump: What about his attitude?
Goatbreath: Oh, he comes on like he's some kind of professional writer and he's going to impart his great wisdom and experience about writing to all the peons on the site.
Cowdung: He is full of himself, isn't he.
Horserump: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous.
Goatbreath and Cowdung (in unison): Jealous!
Goatbreath: Jealous of what?
Horserump: Oh, maybe jealous of his talent.
Goatbreath: He has no talent!
Cowdung: I agree. He hides behind his limp words, and he gets angry if anyone disagrees with him.
Goatbreath: Have you read any of his posts? It's enough to make you, for want of a better word, puke.
Cowdung: He's always tooting his own horn.
Goatbreath: Yes, and it's lousy notes he plays.
(Goatbreath and Cowdung laugh at Goatbreath's excellent put-down of Jassy Melson.)
Horserump: Well, I still say that someone must have seen some merit in his writing to publish it.
Goatbreath: And I still think it's a hoax.
Cowdung: I agree. I think it's a rumor, and you know how rumors are. Once they get started, they're hard to stop.
Goatbreath: If Jassy Melson has had a book published, I'll eat my shorts.
Horserump: Would you like fries with that?
Cowdung: So you believe he has had a book published?
Horserump: Why not? There have been all kinds of books published.
Goatbreath: If Jassy Melson has had a book published entitled The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown and Other Stories, it will make me lose faith in the publishing business.
Cowdung: Me too.
Horserump: I'm sure of it now.
Goatbreath: Sure of what?
Horserump: That you're merely jealous. You put his writing down without even having read it.
Goatbreath: There's no use in it. I know it will be bad.
Horserump: How do you know?
Goatbreath: I just know, that's all.
Horserump: That's no answer.
Goatbreath: It's the only one I'm going to give.
Cowdung: It's good enough for me.
Horserump: Not for me.
Goatbreath: Why are you taking up for Jassy Melson anyway? You were one of the most critical denunciators of his posts
Horserump: I'm not taking up for him. It's just not right to put down someone's work that you haven't even read, that's all.
Goatbreath: I'm not putting down his work. I'm simply criticizing something I know is bad.
Horserump: If you don't know what you're doing is wrong, then there's no use in me telling you anything.
Goatbreath: Don't tell me anything anyway. I don't care.
Cowdung: Neither do I. (to Horserump) I think you're taking up for a lousy writer.
Horserump: How would you know? You haven't read his work either.
Cowdung: Like Goatbreath, I don't have to read his work.
Horserump: You two are unbelievable.
Goatbreath: No, we're not. We're just truthful, that's all.
Horserump: Unreal.
Cowdung: No, but Jassy Melson's writing is.
(Goatbreath and Cowdung laugh at Cowdung's excellent putdown of Jassy Melson.)
Horserump: You know what you make me want to do?
Cowdung: What's that?
Horserump: Read Jassy Melson's work.
Goatbreath: That would be your misfortune; not ours.
(Again they laugh.)
Horserump: I'm leaving you two with your prejudice. (He departs.)
Cowdung: Don't go away mad.
Goatbreath: Just go away.
(Yet again they laugh.)
Cowdung: I guess we told him.
Goatbreath: Yes, we did.
(Jassy Melson enters.)
Jassy Melson: Hi. I heard you two don't like Jassy Melson's work.
Goatbreath: Who are you?
Jassy Melson: Just someone who overhears people talk.
Cowdung: You look familiar.
Jassy Melson: I should. I'm what you could call a gadfly.
Cowdung: A who?
Jassy Melson: Never mind.
Goatbreath: Don't worry, we won't
(Again Horsebreath and Cowdung laugh at Horsebreath's excellent put down of Jassy Melson.)
Jassy Melson: Something tells me that here we go again.
The End (Let's not beat a dead horse.)
P.S. Guess who's laughing last?