Missing, Presumed Hoovered

[Hawkman]

I’ve a little plastic jar that holds me father
I’ve a little plastic tub containing dad;
I’ve set it on the mantle,
as he don’t take up much space,
and I dust him in the mornings
with a mask across me face,
‘cause it wouldn’t do to sneeze him,
(to be sure, that wouldn’t please him)
and he’d only think me manners rather base.

I’ve a little plastic jar that holds me father
I’ve a little plastic tub containing dad;
though his weight goes up and down
for the ashtrays, I have found,
will keep him up to snuff
if I top him up with stuff
when I’ve knocked him off his perch
so his contents are dispersed
and I‘ve trod him in the carpet, finely ground.

I’ve a little plastic jar that held me father
I’ve a little plastic tub that once held dad;
but he gradually migrated
as the hoover bag was sated,
though I know he’s still at home,
somewhere around.
But the jar can still be seen,
it’s on me mantle, painted green,
though the whereabouts of dad is now debated.

[Delta40]

Lol. Very witty. Would have loved to see a pinch of kitty litter in there!

[Pete Ak]

Well done - very funny! I think it's a shame you haven't made the verses more regular (tho this may be MY taste rather than a 'fault' per se). The unusual rhyming scheme of the first verse is quirky, I read it twice to get into the rhythm only to find the following verses have equally quirky and different schemes. Nevertheless the idea was funny enough to carry me through the quirkiness, even appreciate it to a point!

[hillwalker]

Love the title - who could resist not reading what follows?

The metre is a little jumpy but overall a humorous take on subject matter most of us sweep under the carpet (sorry, couldn't resist).

H

[Hawkman]

Thanks Delta, Pete & hill.

Delta: Yeah, I missed a trick there but I haven't had a cat for years, so kitty litter doesn't figure very prominently in my consciousness - lol.

Pete & hill: Yes, it's a shame that the rhythm and rhyme scheme aren't more consistant, but this is just the way it came out. I suppose one could argue that the three verses represent different stages: from newly acquired, through to being a jaded ornament, and that consequently, each verse reflects this in its construction - but that would be pretentious twaddle. The simple fact is that the narrative is more fluid this way, where trying to force it into a rigid structure would twist the syntax and grammar out of shape. A case of content winning out over form :D

Thank you all again for reading

Live and be well - H

[Charles Darnay]

Wonderfully witty. I love how it at times comes out as a limerick: morbid in the right way I suppose.

[AuntShecky]

Don't laugh -- this sort of mishap happens all the time.

[Hawkman]

Thanks CD. One is reminded of that ancient British Lay, "They're Moving Grandpa's Grave to Build a Sewer," which kind of runs in the same vein. ;)

Auntie, yes, I'm sure it does. "Ain't it Grand to be Bloomin' Well Dead" :D

Thank you both for reading.

Live long and prosper - H

[firefangled]

Hawk, What a pleasurable surprise this was not about Jimmy Hoffa. The language was so perfectly attuned to the story. I don't really mind the occasional bump in rhythm.

[Haunted]

*gasp* This is not good Hawk.......use a broom next time!

[krishna_lit]

I didn't understand anything in those lines :P

[Hawkman]

I say, I do hope no-one thinks I'm serious!

ff: glad you like it despite its faults, though why anyone should associate Jimmy hoffa with the Hoover Dam (given that Hoffa disappeared some 40 years after it was built) has always mystified me :D

Haunted: I think it would save time all round if the deceased were to be delivered pre-packeged in a hoover bag. I will suggest this to all the funeral directors I know. :devil:

k_l: sorry about that :confused5:

Live and be well - H

[firefangled]

Actually, I was referring jokingly to J. Edgar. I guess I missed that your poem was about Hoover Dam rather than the vacuum.

[Hawkman]

LOL The only reason I thought of the Dam was because you mentioned Hoffa! I don't know the urban legend about hoffa being sucked up by a vacuum cleaner :D

LLAP - H

[Jerrybaldy]

Great poem Mr Hawk. The first two lines deserved repitition and as Hill noted ,that is a killer title and it did what it said on the tin.
Enjoyed it plenty
JB

[Hawkman]

Thanks JB, glad you enjoyed. :D

Live and be well - H

[firefangled]

My comment had to do with reading the title and thinking of Hoffa being offed by Hoover and once I continued reading, realizing it was not...thus my original comment.

[aliengirl]

You find humor in every situation Hawk and I'd never take you seriously.:D What better way to mark my return to this place? It's become sort of a tradition for me to come back after a break and start by laughing over one of your witty poems. :)

[Hawkman]

ff: Oh Dear, what a curse it is to have a literal mind - Didn't J Edgar predecease comarade Hoffa by about 3 years? Maybe Hoffa rubbed him out - lol.

Hello Ripley, you are far too kind to me in pandering to my depravity :D Glad it amuses you though. I really wouldn't want to bore you by being all sweetness and light though - lol

Thanks for reading and letting me know you have :)

Live and be well - H

[Xillus_Xavier]

Quirky, witty, twisted....perfectly entertaining. Kudos.

[Hawkman]

Thanks X_X, we aim to please :D

Live and be well - H

[aliengirl]

Certain things taste better sans sugar, like coffee. I prefer your depravity to the cloying sweetness of poems resembling billet doux. :D

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wonderfully funny, thanks

[Hawkman]

Ripley: Thank'e, thank'e - nice to know one's depravity is appreciated and floats a girl's boat :D

Prince: Thank you too! Glad it gave you a giggle.

Live and be well - H

[firefangled]

ff: Oh Dear, what a curse it is to have a literal mind - Didn't J Edgar predecease comarade Hoffa by about 3 years? Maybe Hoffa rubbed him out - lol.

I thought they were contemporaries. Thought I heard somewhere that the only reason JEH wasn't more after Hoffa was his hate and preoccupation with RFK.

Regardless of my preoccupation with the title, I enjoyed the poem. :)

[qimissung]

:lol: depraved is a good description for this. Put it to music. It would make a good beer hall song.

[Hawkman]

ff :)

qim: Well this one seems to have stayed afloat much longer than I expected. Thanks for dropping in to comment :D I think getting the tune might be a bit difficult. Beerhall songs need nice simple repetion and rhythm so the intoxicated can navigate :D

Live and be well - H