The seasons

[twist]

It was Springtime
The clouds shed their sombre steely garb
and took on a softer, lighter hue
The flowers yawned, stretched
and displayed to the world their radiant bloom
The sky was filled with the welcome return of our spring friends

Summer came and children ran barefoot in the street
Climbed apple trees and watched the sparrow feed its young
Carried sleepily into bed at dusk after long, hot and dusty days
Summer crept away while people slept

And left Autumn in its place
It dressed the trees in fine gold and blazing red
Our friends took to the sky once more
On their way to sunnier climes

Then Winter came and shook the leaves from the trees
Sprayed frost over deserted lanes
And glowing window panes

[Delta40]

Perhaps because you're writing in the past tense, it loses its effect.

Sprintime comes
Clouds shed their sombre steely garb
and take on a softer lighter hue
The flowers yawn, stretch
and display to the world their radiant bloom
The sky fills with the welcome return of our spring friends.

Summer comes and children run barefoot in the street,
climb apple trees and watch sparrows feed their young
Carried sleepily into bed at dusk after long, hot dusty days,
Summer too creeps away while people sleep

Leaving Autumn in its place
It dresses the trees in fine gold and blazing red
Our friends take to the sky once more
on their way to sunnier climes

Then Winter comes and shakes the leaves from the trees
spraying frost over deserted lanes
and glowing window panes.

The poem needs some work. There are sentences that could be restructured to give the poem a smoother, better flow from one season to the next.

[twist]

Thanks Delta, this is one of my early ones age 17. I've written it from memory so may have forgotten bits of it.
I agree it's better in the present tense. I'll try giving it a polish..

[Pete Ak]

I agree with Delta, setting it in the past tense brought with it, for me, a sense of tension, I was waiting for something more than a description of seasons that'd bring us up to date. It'd take much more work than a change of tense to develop the narrative and work in tension relief but could provide hours of fruitful thought!!

[hillwalker]

The four seasons - regardless of the tense you're using, what original thought, if any, are you bringing to the table? It's like you've decided to list a series of stereotypical images to symbolise each season - not even revealing how the narrator feels about any of this, so I'm not sure what you expect us to gain from reading it.

H