as I lay

[cacian]

as I freeze
crease
I know no
lease
such is the
tease
the mind
flexeze
as I wage
ease to break
or cease

as I freeze
ease
I scatter
seize
the remnant feel
fracas is
thrill
I win it
will
as I lay here
waking to real

[twist]

I think you could rap this - good beat cacian!

[cacian]

twist I could couldn't I haha. Thank you for reading.:)

[firefangled]

What is the key here to your invented words and cryptic syntax? Puzzles are fine, but it's got to be similar to this analogy: Here is a door, with a 3 number combination lock, to a room; one of the numbers is 2. Without that clue, it's too frustrating and there is no payoff.

This raises an interesting question: does a successful poem need a writer and, at least, one reader who truly comprehends it?

[E.A Rumfield]

What is the key here to your invented words and cryptic syntax? Puzzles are fine, but it's got to be similar to this analogy: Here is a door, with a 3 number combination lock, to a room; one of the numbers is 2. Without that clue, it's too frustrating and there is no payoff.

This raises an interesting question: does a successful poem need a writer and, at least, one reader who truly comprehends it?

Hahaha

[cacian]

What is the key here to your invented words and cryptic syntax? Puzzles are fine, but it's got to be similar to this analogy: Here is a door, with a 3 number combination lock, to a room; one of the numbers is 2. Without that clue, it's too frustrating and there is no payoff.

This raises an interesting question: does a successful poem need a writer and, at least, one reader who truly comprehends it?

A poem needs a writer whether it needs a reader is a different story.
Comprehension is from within. I take a word at a time and try and absorb it and everytime I do it gives me an image and so I write on the next. And so on and so forth. Such is poetry and such is reading. I believe.

[Emil Miller]

What is the key here to your invented words and cryptic syntax?

This is one of life's great mysteries and in Musical terms Cacian is the Les Dawson of the Personal Poetry section.

http://youtu.be/9nNGlaiVypU

[miyako73]

You're prolific in this style, Cacian, but I find it hard to appreciate. It has a childish tone. It feels like a third-grader wrote it.

[cacian]

This is one of life's great mysteries and in Musical terms Cacian is the Les Dawson of the Personal Poetry section.

http://youtu.be/9nNGlaiVypU

Haha I am liking Les Dawson's piano performance. And what a great comedian he was. Amasing!!
Thank you for bringing him up Emil.

[cacian]

You're prolific in this style, Cacian, but I find it hard to appreciate. It has a childish tone. It feels like a third-grader wrote it.

Not at all miyako. Thank you for reading.

[Pete Ak]

Being appreciative of a poem and understanding a poem are clearly different responses. I can appreciate the word combinations and phraseology here, but because I don't understand it I can't feel it's beauty. My analogy is the difference between technical dexterity and artistic expression, things can be expertly put together but lack an essential ingredient that makes it artistic. This isn't to say this poem is not 'art'; just that I don't quite het it even though I appreciate it.

[MorpheusSandman]

As Archibald MacLeish said, a poem should not mean, but be. I think people are too concerned with meaning when it comes to poetry and forget that there is a music in language and an aesthetic in the flow of images regardless of one's (in)ability to string it all together into something coherently meaningful. I enjoyed the rhythm and sound play of this piece, and while I sense some thematic strings running through it, I think the feel of reading it trumps any other consideration. No third-grader could write like this. It reminded me of a recent article in Poetry Magazine:
Poems ask us not to understand in the same way that we often find ourselves not comprehending the possibility of a God in this world. One of the first poets I loved was Essex Hemphill. There’s a young man with whom I had a short affair, who is a jazz pianist studying at the Berklee College of Music, and once I showed him some poems by Hemphill. He read one and said, “I don’t get it,” and I said, “You don’t get it because you’re trying to get it. Stop doing that.”

Then I said something I actually felt smart saying: “The first time you heard Thelonious Monk you didn’t get it, but you liked it. It felt good, and you were ok with that and you moved on. Then the next time you heard it, you were like, ‘Oh, and there’s this.’ Then the next time you heard it you were like, ‘Oh, my God, there’s this too!’” I said, “Just read the poem. Just enjoy the poem.” So he sat there and he read the same poem and he said, “Oh, wow, that is a lot better!”

Is this the problem with perceiving God? Poems do carry meaning, but that doesn’t mean their meaning has to be the first thing that attracts us to them. If that were the case, we wouldn’t know who the hell Wallace Stevens is. I’ve never believed that what attracts us to poems is knowing what’s going on in them. As a matter of fact, I think just the opposite. Maybe that’s the problem people have with poetry. That’s not what we’re taught about how words can be used. I do want poems to have meaning, but I also think that having meaning isn’t the end of the conversation about poetry—or about faith. -- extract from "One Whole Voice," Poetry Magazine, Feb. 2012

[Pete Ak]

Great post Morpheus, cheers!

[WolfLarsen]

The rhyme scheme is like nails on chalkboard.

I think this poem would be more appropriate for those interested in a sadomasochist experience.

I myself am no masochist.

The rhyme in contemporary poetry is dead!

It does have a good beat, though.

[cacian]

Thank you all for reading.
Morpheus that is a brilliant article. Thank you for posting.
WolfLarsen interesting and fun analogy. Sadomasochist is something that never entered my mind. I must admit it is a very strong theme. I am no sadomasochist myself and so it is intriguing that you bring it up.

[MorpheusSandman]

The rhyme in contemporary poetry is dead!The death of rhyme has been grossly over-exaggerated. There are way too many modern poets that, apparently, didn't get the message.

[hillwalker]

Rhyme isn't dead. Not quite, despite so many aspiring poets on sites like this one doing their best to slaughter it.

H

[cacian]

Rhyme isn't dead. Not quite, despite so many aspiring poets on sites like this one doing their best to slaughter it.

H

Hi hillwalker how does one slaughter a rhyme?

[Pete Ak]

Some of us are trying to revive rhyme, albeit gently.

[hillwalker]

Hi hillwalker how does one slaughter a rhyme?

I couldn't possibly say. Perhaps leafing through your own back pages might give you a clue.

H

[cacian]

I couldn't possibly say. Perhaps leafing through your own back pages might give you a clue.

H

Haha. Art is poetry and art is also representation of a figure of Christ on a slaughter cross. Paintings of pain bloodshed and slaughter is regarded as art apparently.
I write with this same idea in mind. It might be slaughter to you but it is a rebuffing of what rhyme should represent to me.
There many hidden images in this piece I can personally see.
How is this piece different to a figure of Christ on a slaughter cross?

Art is a preambulent idea. I never lose sight of that.

[Emil Miller]

Cacian's unique style has prompted me to write a piece in similar vein. While I realise that it cannot match anything in her prolific output, I have tried not to let logic intrude on my meagre attempt.

sailing

seas with whales, gales, snails
heaving waves in traves and glue
grypt and lures the swilling chart
round turbid rackful winches
while you’re rolling on the ducks
and flying fish in cyber strobe
call Neptune with a rodent wide
cringe and wail the watery sprote.

[cacian]

Cacian's unique style has prompted me to write a piece in similar vein. While I realise that it cannot match anything in her prolific output, I have tried not to let logic intrude on my meagre attempt.

sailing

seas with whales, gales, snails
heaving waves in traves and glue
grypt and lures the swilling chart
round turbid rackful winches
while you’re rolling on the ducks
and flying fish in cyber strobe
call Neptune with a rodent wide
cringe and wail the watery sprote.

Emil this is a beautiful piece.The vocabulary is amasing and the richeness of the language is perfection .I especially love the last four lines. I enjoyed this thank you

[miyako73]

Emil, you got it. I hope cacian can see the difference.

[Emil Miller]

It's so nice to be appreciated and I hope you'll like this one:

bird watching

in swooping feathery fevers
of nuts and verdant planges
pecks at prancing warblers
and tweeting swallows harping
on plumage weakly waving
among the covert futtocks
the dawn comes slowly walking
the trail brightly speckled
with dewdrops lightly sprinkled
a tingled tangled verbiage
of noisy cackling bustards

[Buh4Bee]

With persistences, you can accomplish anything, even winning the White House. Well done, a successful experiment.

[Emil Miller]

With persistences, you can accomplish anything, even winning the White House. Well done, a successful experiment.

Thanks for your encouragement. Whilst not wishing to overplay my hand, I would like to add another for, as you might imagine, it will take a lot of practice before anyone can hope to match Cacian's command of the medium.


notre dame de paris

bulging climbing sturgeoning stones
gurgling gargoyles and gangly goolies
butteries flying twixt bright stained grass
rosy windows and nervy naves
standing starrily by riverain groynes
dingy dungeon dangled capes drapes
across avenues of creepy crepes
monkish feelings clutch and scorch
like a torch by a porch and starchy strorch

[cacian]

Emil the two pieces are simply magical. Beautiful rich languages with up beat rhyme is what poetry is all about.
These lines are amasing:

''bulging climbing sturgeoning stones
gurgling gargoyles and gangly goolies
butteries flying twixt bright stained grass
rosy windows and nervy naves''

I will look forward to reading more of your elaborate enchanting poetries.

[Emil Miller]

Thanks for reading it.

serpentine weeds swilly swedes
swathes of Swedish swivelling suedes
saturnine sylphs solipsistic swains
demoniac damsels demented Danes
devilish dervishes dancing in swirls
deliriously dashingly giving off twirls
demi-monde mashers egregiously gay
wimpled and dimpled noviciates pray
vampirical gnashers flashingly bite
the disbelieving neophyte

[Delta40]

Emil while acknowledging Cacian is the source of your inspiration, your poetry holds its own potential craft and deserves its own thread (if you so choose)

[qimissung]

Thank you, Delta, I couldn't have said that better myself.



R e m i n d e r

Please refrain from posting in this section of the Forum

if you feel you are unable to show respect towards those who do not share your thoughts and beliefs, or perceived abilities.

[Emil Miller]

Emil while acknowledging Cacian is the source of your inspiration, your poetry holds its own potential craft and deserves its own thread (if you so choose)


To an Unknown Would-be Poet

Oh incommodious hapless bard
Whose lambent lamentations laid
With rampant discord doth discard
The meaning of the words displayed

Why dost thou every effort strain
To be a Keats or Shelley?
When every stanza or quatrain
Is like a flaccid jelly

But taketh heart and knoweth
That thou art not alone
For many are those with fractured prose
For which they should atone

And though most 'poems' at their birth
Should truly have been throttled
Despite their causing helpless mirth
They ought but best be bottled
And on the label thou wouldst see

'LITNET PERSONAL POETRY'

:D

[cacian]

And what a perfect piece Emil. Really fun haha.

[Emil Miller]

And what a perfect piece Emil. Really fun haha.

I'm glad you have taken it in the spirit that it was intended rather than as serious comment. Actually, the would-be poet is myself as Delta 40 suggested I should become but I realise my limitations in the field and those of others but it helps to lighten the thread when so many submissions are lugubrious in tone.