Farewell

[Hawkman]

I wonder, did rain greet you, when,
in January, you were born?
It rains today as we say goodbye;
falling droplets splattering on windscreens
as ripples merge in puddles.

Today the trees are bare,
just as they would have been in '24,
but here a jay cavorts in branches
then flits down to forage among graves.

You will not lie in sodden earth;
we will cast you to the winds
that bore you up in flight
and ash will settle where it will.
In a wood, a sapling bears your name.

[Delta40]

No Hallmark card reading here Hawk. This is a neat homage to somebody who has passed and you have managed to express grief through the weather but also use it as a tool to tell us something about them. Do you need an apostrophe at 24? Very thoughtful writing and nicely balanced.

[firefangled]

This is so well done, Hawk. The merging of rain with puddles in S1 and the ashes carried on the winds seems to tie the poem together very poignantly. Not to waste an image, the jay seems to be the element of energy that circulates through life and death.

This is one of my favorites by you.

[Buh4Bee]

When I read this poem, I was impressed by how present the writer's voice is. The subject of someone's passing is always quite emotional. I think this writer captured the subject matter with just the right touch.

[Haunted]

Very moving, made even more poignant by carrying on a conversation with the departed as the poem unfolds. It has the feel of a short film, a carefully directed video photography with sweeping directionals expanding the emotional view, from the rain on the windshield to the puddles, the bird on the tree down to the grave, then back up to the wind where spirit and ash leave this world. This is your best piece yet, Hawk.

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta, thanks for reading. Glad you find it nicely balanced, the subject calls for restraint and one is conscious that it is possible to pare the writing back too far. Still, better than gushing I think. Anyway, I'm glad it works for you. I hummed and ha'd about the apostrophe, and even though when writing I left it out, I'm quite prepared to put it back if you think it needs it.

ff: thanks to you too. I'm particularly flattered that you deem this one of your favourites.

B4B: I'm most grateful for your kind comment and that you think the touch appropriate. I'm also glad that the immediacy of the moment comes accross for you.

Hello Haunted. Glad you like the visuals, but they were just the things which caught my eye as I sat in the car, waiting. The conversation is ongoing... I'm delighted you think it good enough to be my best piece yet :)

Again, thank you all for reading and commenting on this poem.

Live and be well - H

[DieterM]

Very touching indeed, Hawk! Would that someone wrote such lovely lines after my own demise (which I wish to be in a very very distant future btw)!

[Hawkman]

Thanks Dieter. Glad it spoke to you. However, if you want to live a long life, follow the advice of the 2000 year old man, "Stay out of small Italian sports cars" :D

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

Lovely imagery - the jay linking life that goes on whether we're here to watch or have retired elsewhere. And the rain evoking sadness but also replenishment.
Not to be nit-picky (am I ever?) but does the piece read better without 'in January'?

H

[hallaig]

Like it a lot, agree with the stravaiger about 'In January'. Miss out 'just' in stanza 2 and 'though' instead of 'but here'?, 'and' instead of 'then'?

Good work

[Hawkman]

hill & hallaig thank you both for reading and for your observations. I agree that "in January" could be dropped, however, I prefer to keep it in. This is an intensely personal tribute to a specific individual and the disputed words are important.

hallaig: your other observations are interesting because an earlier draft of the poem contained most of your suggestions. The poem did not work for me this way and I'm much happier with it as it is. It is far more elegant and specific this way, but I appreciate your giving time to both reading and considering the words.

Thanks again to both of you for paying the poem the compliment of your attention.

Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

Free of maudlin excess, this is a unsentimental yet thoroughly affecting expression of grief (that's the correct "affecting"--meaning "emotional.") One of the most remarkable aspects about this poem is that by imagining the person's birthday in 1924, it doesn't wallow in grief over his death but rather reflects upon his life: this is exactly how we should remember one who has passed away, not to mourn but to remember. Another noble feature of this is that the focus isn't on the survivor's mourning but again, on the departed soul.

In addition to the rain, the imagery of nature blends with that of the human -- the jay foraging among the graves, the sprinkling of "ash" coupled with the planting of a baby tree (new life.) The concepts are breathtakingly beautiful.

There is an old saying to the effect that rain during a funeral means the person who passed away is happy. That he has inspired such esteem as shown in this poem also proves that he was blessed.

A brilliant piece of work, dear Hawkman.

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie and thanks for reading. Your last observation got me googling and The number of funeral superstitions I found was staggering! (Most of them were Irish :D) Interestingly, I found no mention of rain associated with the deceased's happiness specifically mentioned, but there were some that declared rain at a funeral meant either that the departed soul had entered heaven or had become an angel. Can't quite imagine the aged P as an angel somehow, but I could believe he'd get into into heaven, although he might have to pick the lock or tunnel in under the wall ;)

Again, thanks for your kind words in appreciation of this poem.

Live long and prosper - H

[Pete Ak]

The compliments above are well deserved. Hope you don't mind answering a few questions... in this stanza
"Today the trees are bare,
just as they would have been in '24,
BUT HERE a jay cavorts in branches
then flits down to forage among graves."

Why 'but here'?
'But' (to me) refutes that which has just been said suggesting Jays would not have cavorted there in '24. I ask only because I wonder if the 'but here' is deliberate - it's a wonderful poem regardless.

In the final stanza you tell us 'the wind bore you up in flight'. It's a lovely image which left me with the question what does this mean or relate to? (Unless it's merely a mistake in tense and should be 'will bear you up' rather than "bore"

[Hawkman]

It is a reference to both time and place. Trees in a lot of places would have been bare in January, even in '24, but it is not January at the time of writing nor is it 1924, and he certainly wasn't born in a graveyard ;). But here a jay etc...

Hope that explains it for you.

As for the second question, it can be taken metaphorically if you like, but it is also a direct reference to the fact that he'd been a pilot since 1944.

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked the poem.

Live and be well - H