A long tiitle for a short poem where you wake up dead

[Jerrybaldy]

I think I may have died last night
My cornflakes find no place to go
falling to the floor like brown confetti
The dog has forgotten to wag its tail
The toaster pops up hot buttered air

But the sunrise it is mine, all mine
Dead eyes, they still feel the shine
Oh you can’t take that away from me.
(Billie)

[hillwalker]

Interestingly surreal - love the toaster's role in all this.
Not sure whether or not line 4 has a typo - and presumably Billie has more meaning to the recently deceased than the reader.

H

[Bar22do]

Line 4 has a typo indeed (I'm an expert on these! he he) - it should be its.
You skilfully and originally bring the info re your deceased one (Billie). Your poem wanders from sleep to sleep eternal, then to wake in sunshine... but the kitchen feels so cold...

[hillwalker]

Line 4 has a typo indeed (I'm an expert on these! he he) - it should be its.

as well as 'does has' ?!?

H

[Bar22do]

as well as 'does has' ?!?

H

Of course, Hill, haven't noticed "does" (either has Jerry, I guess). Should go "the dog has forgotten to wag..."!!!!!! you're right!!!!!

[Haunted]

Yeah, I think "does" is a typo. Otherwise I really like it. The details are so amazing — the popping of "buttered air" like the last breath, fallen cornflakes, and most of all, the "dead eyes" that "still feel the shine". It happens so often, when we close our eyes we can still "see" light coming through, and yet this is the first time I ever read someone writing it. You are so good in your art, Jerry, so good. I'm speechless, I'm not even going to ask about the Billie reference (but dying to connect the last dot, pardon the pun)

[Jerrybaldy]

Thanks for your comments Hill, Bar and Haunted.

Typos corrected!

The last line is stolen from a Billie Holiday song, so I thought I should at least give her a name check :smilewinkgrin: I guess I should really have thanked George!

[Delta40]

The does needs to go completely since it sounds too much like 'doos' Imagine dog crap with a tail....

Good capture of the thought waking up dead, which I'm sure we've all had. Nicely done in slow motion. Great title too. There's even a kitchen sink in the background!

[Jerrybaldy]

Thanks Delta. Its sorted! and good spot with the kitchen sink :D

[firefangled]

Jerry, this seemed like something Kafka would have thought of. It was interesting that you referenced Billie Holiday's line and that the poem's realizations take place in a kitchen. made me think of Robert Johnson's "Come On in My Kitchen," the kitchen being a respite for a woman (person) who no longer has a home. Very interesting that what remains for the narrator is sunlight, sorta where we all came from in the first place, give or take a religion or two. I enjoyed it.