My Street

[Delta40]

The granite swan planter
played a mournful song to the neighbours
when its grainy neck broke.
Nothing stays pure and white
in the street I know.

Dad was stretched to his limit
with not enough overtime
and so little to build on.

Mum couldn’t possibly fill every role
assigned to woman.
Standing at the sink,
lying in Dad's bed,
sitting at the table.

Aunty Gale blew in,
her wisdom cards fluttering
down on Grandma’s sepia frame.

Choose to empower yourself

I minced up burley by hand,
thinking that the foulest of tasks
might win me a salty smile
while Mum stewed alone
in a pot of silent guilt.

Expect a miracle

But all hope was flooded out
by a ten gallon keg
in the back of a holden ute
ready for another great aussie barbecue.

I stumbled over that swan
so many times as a child
cursing it,
wishing I was dead
but I hid in the wardrobe instead.

[AuntShecky]

I like how the image of swan planter returns at the end of the piece, where the narrator recalls it as a nuisance (very true to life.) Your vision is unique, but sensibily grounding it in plausible reality is one of your best qualities, Delta. The only change I'd make is to replace the "he" and "she" in the early lines with specific nouns -- "Mother" and "Father" (or "husband" and "wife.") to keep it in line with the references to "Aunty Gayle" and "Grandma." The lines:

Nothing stays pure and white
in the street I know
remind me of Frost: "Nothing Gold Can Stay."

PS --You might want to consider submitting this piece to a poetry journal.

[Delta40]

Thanks for your feedback Aunty. Great suggestion!

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta. Think I'd be inclined to divide this into stanzas, it would stop the imagery and scenes and characters from running together so much. Use stanza breaks like paragraphs and allow the poem breathing room. Apart from that, I like the narrative and imagery. Good poem.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. Where would you put the breaks?

[Hawkman]

I think I'd do it something like this...

"The granite swan planter
played a mournful song to the neighbours
when its grainy neck broke.
Nothing stays pure and white
in the street I know.

Dad was stretched to his limit
with not enough overtime
and so little to build on.

Mum couldn’t possibly fill every role
assigned to woman;
Standing at the sink,
lying in Dad's bed,
sitting at the table.

Aunty Gale blew in,
her wisdom cards fluttering
down on Grandma’s sepia frame.

Choose to empower yourself

I minced up burley by hand,
thinking that the foulest of tasks
might win me a salty smile
while Mum stewed alone
in a pot of silent guilt.

Expect a miracle

But all hope was flooded out
by a ten gallon keg
in the back of a holden ute
ready for another great aussie barbecue.

I stumbled over that swan
so many times as a child
cursing it,
wishing I was dead,
but I hid in the wardrobe instead."

Live and be well - H

PS, what's a "holden ute"?

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. This is an old holden ute 8512

[Bar22do]

Outstanding, as so very often, Delta.

[Delta40]

Thanks Bar.

[firefangled]

This is so well constructed and reads the way long ago memories run through one's head, events positioning themselves in close sequence, regardless of time.

[Delta40]

I hadn't thought of it that way FF but now that you mention it....

[Jerrybaldy]

Oh whats left to say? It even had the kitchen sink.

[Delta40]

Lol. Very funny Jerry.