Zed...Not finished with it just a sneak peakish....CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM welcome

[HeyyO_SheyO]

Prologue

Carley

It all happened so fast, the virus, the quarantines, the government falling…death. Many blamed the government. Others believed God wanted to reset the world. Me? I don’t know what to believe or trust anymore. I have seen children gunned down by their parents, babies eaten alive in their cribs. Its all so horrible. My name is Carley and I am a survivor.

James

Things will never be the same no matter how many of them you kill. The government is long gone and there is no cure. There never will be. People just one day started going insane. Craving human flesh. Cannibals. They never stop no matter how much you plead for them to stop they will just keep on eating you. One bite equals death. I am Dwight and I am a survivor.


Hannah


Life as we all thought we knew it, is gone. This is the life we are now destined to live. No more waking up to a sunny day or eating breakfast with your family or playing tag with friends. Its all gone. Its all so horrifying like we’ve all been placed in some sick horror movie and we can’t get out.Ever. My name is Hannah and I am a survivor.

Bryce

I don’t know how to cope with it all. I’m still processing what’s going on. No hope of a cure. People dieing left and right. Guns pointing at one another. You cant trust anyone. People have lost all bits of reason they had. You know its not really different from the life we all lived before. it’s a constant battle. No. War. And war never changes. I am Bryce and I am a survivor.

[sarah.nichole]

I actually looking to start a "post apocalyptic" piece myself, I thought of an idea this morning. Thought it was a happy coincidence that someone else posted something like this so recently!

One thing, if you do end up using this (or a variation of it) in your full story, I would try to make each person's little speech a bit more personal. They are all pretty much the same thing just said in slightly different ways. If you want people to differentiate and relate to the characters, I feel like there should be just a TOUCH more of an insight into each person. Not much, mind you, because you don't want your prologue to drag on for too long.

Oh and one more thing actually; make sure you don't make it like every other zombie/cannibal movie/book out there. Try to think of an interesting twist if you haven't already!

Keep posting! :)

[hillwalker]

It's a great idea (notice how I used an apostrophe there) :coolgleamA: but I agree with sarah that your characters need to somehow display their own individuality. Are they all teenagers? All from the same background? All from the same city or school or street? It doesn't take much to give each of them some kind of tag so the reader can differentiate each one. That way they're not just faceless characters.

And I'd also ask that you try to come up with something different than the stereo-typical zombie/cannibal '28 Days Later' plot that's been done to death.

H

[AuntShecky]

I agree that the topic has been overdone lately-- leaving readers with a "ho-hum,not again," boy-who-cried-wolf kind of reaction. If would-be writers must insist on "post-apocalyptic" (itself a trite term) why not change the cause and/or effects with a different kind of catastrophe, something fresh.

The opening of your story is a bit too matter-of-fact; why not "show" all of the terrible events rather than merely listing them. I also agree with the previous comments in that your characters are not individuals -- the words all seem to have originated from the same person.

P.S.-- The title of your thread has the wrong kind of "peak."

[Charles Darnay]

It may be strange that the most interesting thing I took away from this short selection is the question: why is James named Dwight?

I'm afraid I fall into the "oh no, not again" category of reader when it comes to zombie post-apocalyptic fiction - I suppose I never liked it to begin with. There are interesting things that have been done/can be done with PA fiction - this just doesn't seem to be it.

The multi-narrator approach is always a good one: use it to your advantage. It has already been pointed out - and I will echo - that you should diversify your characters: they all sound the same. But more than their individual selves, you could place them on various sides of the scenario you are presenting. Why not have someone from the fallen government - or a zombie narrator? If you are going to continue with this, you need someone to say "yes, many have done this sort of thing before - but never like this."