Christmas Humour # 3

[Biggus]

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 3

I kept Billie home from school
For Christmas shopping
Doing it during school time
When the malls are empty

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 1

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Oh do me a favour please
It’s obviously a man
Why is it so hard to believe?
That’s why everything happens
Late on Christmas Eve

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 1

I've always loved my Santa
In his Red Velvet suit
With his long white beard
And cheeks all rosy and cute
His deep throated laughter
All happy and jolly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Molly

IT’S SUCH A MILD CHRISTMAS

It’s such a mild Christmas
All the birds are singing noisily
Normally in December
They’re all frozen to a tree

MY VERY WORST CHRISTMAS EVER

My very worst Christmas ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
For hours of innocent ex-box fun

PERSISTENT AND DISRUPTIVE WINDS

Persistent and disruptive winds,
There seems to be no doubts,
Are predicted after Christmas
And it will probably be the Sprouts

A VEGETARIAN CHRISTMAS

Do you want to celebrate?
A vegetarian Christmas
Then here you are
Have a freshly strained
Vegetable every day
With the advent colander

THE COUNCIL CHRISTMAS TREE

The council Christmas tree is dressed
And the lights were switched on in June
But don’t get yourself unduly distressed
With energy saving lights it’s not too soon
Because you must switch them on remember
So they are warmed up by December

LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS DAY

Leading up to Christmas day
Happy Christmas you should say
But so often it goes unsaid,
People say happy holidays instead

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why has this not come up before?
If it were left to a man everything
Would come from the corner store

[AuntShecky]

These are fun. The "ex-box" one is the best, though anecdotally (is that a word?), many young mothers often express the fact after paying ransom-like prices for gifts, they find that their toddlers prefer to play with the boxes the toys came in.

[Biggus]

That is so true Auntie, i know my boys did and the bigger the box the bigger the fun