Guildford Cathedral

[twist]

A little known fact, one eerie night in this lovely city
The Omen was filmed, 'tis a pity

For I cannot drive past the cathedral and appreciate its beauty
Without thinking of Damien on his devilish duty

Poor Gregory Peck in an undeserving role
Played his father which took its toll

Sequels two and three were filmed elsewhere
More encounters with Damien we could not bear

A grand and glorious cathedral tainted by the Devil's own
In Hollywood's idea of a macabre tone

The uplifting view driving up the road
No longer can I see without forbode

I hope I did not scare you with my tale of sorrow
Goodnight, sweet dreams, we'll meet tomorrow

[Sreenan]

I love the idea, and can see where you want this poem to go. Thought I think you need to add more semicolons and commas in places...look a little more into structure. Add in some imagery about the rottweilers maybe ;)

[Delta40]

Twist, you're limiting yourself by being driven by rhyme. Especially 'without forbode' which is cringeworthy. Release thyself now!

[twist]

Thank you Sreenan, I'll see if I can structure it better.

[twist]

Thanks Delta40. Rhyming is fun!
I have written poems without rhyme in my teens. I'll post some later..

[Delta40]

Fair enough on the comment if you don't want to develop rhyme as an artform where it actually complements what you write rather than dictates the terms (including the structure) but if you want to do better, then perhaps read more about it or consider whether rhyme is relevant when writing.

[hillwalker]

Thanks Delta40. Rhyming is fun!

Define 'fun' - for you as the writer maybe, but not for the reader. Trust me.
And the meterless lines make the decision to employ end rhyme even less sound.

H

[hallaig]

Have to agree, slavish rhyme has undermined the poem

[Eiseabhal]

McGonagall lives!