twist
11-16-2012, 05:37 PM
There’s a right way and a wrong way of doing everything. Chuck was convinced he always did things the right way. He wasn’t afraid of letting people know either. “No, you don’t want to be doing it that way. Look, this is how you do it,” he’d say. Chuck had lived all his life in this sleepy old neighbourhood ten miles outside of Alabama. Everyone knew Chuck and Chuck knew everybody. In the evening he would often sit in his porch swing with his paper, calling out advice to neighbours passing by. He was never happier than when he was imparting his superior wisdom to a grateful recipient. “You know where to come if want to learn things done the right way. Don’t know what they teach in those schools nowadays,” he’d holler after them.
Then he’d turn to the problem page of the local paper. No-one knew this but Chuck was also ‘Aunt Bess’. “Write in with your problems and Aunt Bess will solve them for you,” it said at the top of the page.
Now there’s an okay way and there’s an even better way. One summer when old Finn moved into the neighbourhood Chuck invited him round to make his acquaintance. Chuck wanted to make sure old Finn knew who to turn to for advice and was just being polite and neighbourly too. He had made tea and coffee cake. Old Finn took a bite of the cake. A slight frown crossed his brow. “Did you put marzipan in the icing?” he asked almost accusingly. Chuck was taken aback. “Yes, why?” he countered.
“I never put marzipan in coffee cake, I mean it’s okay but it’s better to make a butter icing. Much more complimentary!” exclaimed old Finn triumphantly. Chuck thought it best not to retaliate but made a mental note to criticise old Finn’s cake at the earliest opportunity.
As old Finn was leaving, he noticed a model ship Chuck had been carving from elm wood in his garage. Chuck was, as you can imagine, extremely proud of it.
“Well, we do have a few things in common!” grinned old Finn jabbing Chuck in the ribs in a friendly gesture. “Mind if I take a closer look?” He sat down on the stool before Chuck could reply.
“Be my guest “he muttered.
“Now Chuck, this isn’t bad but it really is better to make it out of cedar wood. These portholes aren’t right, either. I can show you a better way to carve them.” Chuck wasn’t listening to any more of this.
“It’s been a pleasure having you,” he interrupted “and we really must get together again soon. I’ll come and visit you. Say, why don’t you make your wonderful coffee cake with the butter icing? I can’t wait to try it!” Chuck swiftly steered him out of his garage. Old Finn looked a touch peeved as he had plenty more advice to give about the ship.
“Yes let’s meet soon and you really will appreciate my coffee cake, though yours wasn’t bad...” He felt a bit better after putting Chuck in his place.
The local paper was lying on the porch swing and old Finn’s beady eye landed on it. “The Evening Herald, huh? I heard a couple of the neighbours talking about some old biddy ‘Aunt Bess’ who spouts advice. Apparently everything she says is absolute twaddle. My guess is the paper hasn’t the heart to fire her cos she’s been writing for donkeys’ years. If you didn’t have to be a woman I’d apply! Now me,” he said pointing to himself “I’m a man who knows how to give great advice.”
The nerve of the man, how dare he poke fun at his brilliant problem page. Then he said aloud “My - her problem page is very popular round here. She gets stacks of mail!” Chuck’s ears turned bright red but luckily it was getting dark so his secret was safe.Chuck lay awake that night planning his revenge. Revenge was a dish best eaten cold. No-one needed to tell him that.
As sure as eggs was eggs, old Finn invited him over the next Thursday for tea. Thursday came and Chuck was prepared. He was dressed in his best blue, perfectly ironed shirt and brown chinos. He put on his brown polished shoes with a shoe horn and combed his greying hair. He glanced in the mirror one last time as he pulled his cap on and smiled at his reflection. He took the housewarming present he had carefully wrapped in brown paper. He chuckled as he pictured the look on old Finn’s face on opening the parcel.
When he got to old Finn’s house he could hear him whistling in his garage. “Be out in a jiffy” he called cheerily. The front yard was very well kept and there was bougainvillea, camellias and roses in bloom. He had flowers in baskets and wind chimes hanging. Certainly the best kept yard in the street and he’d only been here five minutes!His hedge was shaped like a man. Wait a minute - it was shaped like Chuck! The flaming cheek of old Finn… If there was one thing Chuck was sensitive about it was his jug ears. Now, exaggerated and in full view of all the neighbours, his ears were up there eight feet high! He subconsciously tucked his ears into his cap.
“Hey, how are you Chuck?” said old Finn finally emerging. “Just putting the final touches on my boat - come take a look. Cedar wood!” He held up his sawdust covered paws. He’d just been sanding down a life sized boat. It was perfect, the attention to detail was breath-taking. Chuck stood there opened mouth.
“Well, you’re not bad with your hands,” conceded Chuck.
“Come into the house. You must be hungry.” said old Finn kindly. ” Go and sit at the table, I’ll just go and wash.” The table was laid. A beautiful coffee cake with butter icing stood on a cut glass pedestal in the middle. The Pecan pie and blueberry cheesecake looked very tempting on yellow china serving plates. Wise guy huh, trying to show me up, thought Chuck darkly. He sat down and put the parcel next to him.
“Just a little spread, nothing fancy,” said old Finn modestly. “So what’s in the parcel - something for me?” he continued.
“Oh yes, it’s a little gift but don’t open it now – I’m famished and this all looks so wonderful,” Chuck said hurriedly and nodded at the table. Old Finn looked a touch surprised but said nothing. He poured the tea into fine china cups and cut a large slice of the coffee cake for Chuck.
“Now tell me what you think of my cake? Butter icing or your marzipan?” He looked so smug that Chuck immediately said “marzipan” though he’d barely tasted it. He wasn’t about to admit defeat, no siree. He tried the cheesecake and a little of the pecan pie. Everything tasted delicious and in his heart he knew that he would now make coffee cake with butter icing and throw away the marzipan.
“Real nice of you to invite me, though you needn’t have gone to so much trouble.” Chuck was even beginning to get a warm feeling about old Finn.
“No trouble, no trouble at all Chuck. Oh, let me open this parcel now. The curiosity is killing me.”
Old Finn tore open the parcel and revealed a book entitled ‘How to do things the right way’. A picture of Chuck was on the front cover and inside was scrawled ‘To my neighbour, old Finn. There’s a wrong way and there’s a right way, that’s Chuck’s way. There is no better way.’ Old Finn threw back his head and laughed. “Why thank you Chuck but I don’t need this,” he exclaimed and threw it over his shoulder.
Chuck had never been so humiliated in his life. The next evening all the neighbours went round to Old Finn’s for a party. Old Finn wanted to thank them for helping him set up Chuck, with the hedge, the boat, the front yard and the tea. Many hands certainly make light work. Everyone wanted to thank old Finn for getting Chuck off his high horse. That little neighbourhood became a much nicer place to live in as I hear Chuck has stopped offering his unwanted advice. As for old Finn - he moved away, nobody knows where. Maybe he’s moved in next to you. I hope you don’t have any unpleasant habits that upset the good folk around you!
Then he’d turn to the problem page of the local paper. No-one knew this but Chuck was also ‘Aunt Bess’. “Write in with your problems and Aunt Bess will solve them for you,” it said at the top of the page.
Now there’s an okay way and there’s an even better way. One summer when old Finn moved into the neighbourhood Chuck invited him round to make his acquaintance. Chuck wanted to make sure old Finn knew who to turn to for advice and was just being polite and neighbourly too. He had made tea and coffee cake. Old Finn took a bite of the cake. A slight frown crossed his brow. “Did you put marzipan in the icing?” he asked almost accusingly. Chuck was taken aback. “Yes, why?” he countered.
“I never put marzipan in coffee cake, I mean it’s okay but it’s better to make a butter icing. Much more complimentary!” exclaimed old Finn triumphantly. Chuck thought it best not to retaliate but made a mental note to criticise old Finn’s cake at the earliest opportunity.
As old Finn was leaving, he noticed a model ship Chuck had been carving from elm wood in his garage. Chuck was, as you can imagine, extremely proud of it.
“Well, we do have a few things in common!” grinned old Finn jabbing Chuck in the ribs in a friendly gesture. “Mind if I take a closer look?” He sat down on the stool before Chuck could reply.
“Be my guest “he muttered.
“Now Chuck, this isn’t bad but it really is better to make it out of cedar wood. These portholes aren’t right, either. I can show you a better way to carve them.” Chuck wasn’t listening to any more of this.
“It’s been a pleasure having you,” he interrupted “and we really must get together again soon. I’ll come and visit you. Say, why don’t you make your wonderful coffee cake with the butter icing? I can’t wait to try it!” Chuck swiftly steered him out of his garage. Old Finn looked a touch peeved as he had plenty more advice to give about the ship.
“Yes let’s meet soon and you really will appreciate my coffee cake, though yours wasn’t bad...” He felt a bit better after putting Chuck in his place.
The local paper was lying on the porch swing and old Finn’s beady eye landed on it. “The Evening Herald, huh? I heard a couple of the neighbours talking about some old biddy ‘Aunt Bess’ who spouts advice. Apparently everything she says is absolute twaddle. My guess is the paper hasn’t the heart to fire her cos she’s been writing for donkeys’ years. If you didn’t have to be a woman I’d apply! Now me,” he said pointing to himself “I’m a man who knows how to give great advice.”
The nerve of the man, how dare he poke fun at his brilliant problem page. Then he said aloud “My - her problem page is very popular round here. She gets stacks of mail!” Chuck’s ears turned bright red but luckily it was getting dark so his secret was safe.Chuck lay awake that night planning his revenge. Revenge was a dish best eaten cold. No-one needed to tell him that.
As sure as eggs was eggs, old Finn invited him over the next Thursday for tea. Thursday came and Chuck was prepared. He was dressed in his best blue, perfectly ironed shirt and brown chinos. He put on his brown polished shoes with a shoe horn and combed his greying hair. He glanced in the mirror one last time as he pulled his cap on and smiled at his reflection. He took the housewarming present he had carefully wrapped in brown paper. He chuckled as he pictured the look on old Finn’s face on opening the parcel.
When he got to old Finn’s house he could hear him whistling in his garage. “Be out in a jiffy” he called cheerily. The front yard was very well kept and there was bougainvillea, camellias and roses in bloom. He had flowers in baskets and wind chimes hanging. Certainly the best kept yard in the street and he’d only been here five minutes!His hedge was shaped like a man. Wait a minute - it was shaped like Chuck! The flaming cheek of old Finn… If there was one thing Chuck was sensitive about it was his jug ears. Now, exaggerated and in full view of all the neighbours, his ears were up there eight feet high! He subconsciously tucked his ears into his cap.
“Hey, how are you Chuck?” said old Finn finally emerging. “Just putting the final touches on my boat - come take a look. Cedar wood!” He held up his sawdust covered paws. He’d just been sanding down a life sized boat. It was perfect, the attention to detail was breath-taking. Chuck stood there opened mouth.
“Well, you’re not bad with your hands,” conceded Chuck.
“Come into the house. You must be hungry.” said old Finn kindly. ” Go and sit at the table, I’ll just go and wash.” The table was laid. A beautiful coffee cake with butter icing stood on a cut glass pedestal in the middle. The Pecan pie and blueberry cheesecake looked very tempting on yellow china serving plates. Wise guy huh, trying to show me up, thought Chuck darkly. He sat down and put the parcel next to him.
“Just a little spread, nothing fancy,” said old Finn modestly. “So what’s in the parcel - something for me?” he continued.
“Oh yes, it’s a little gift but don’t open it now – I’m famished and this all looks so wonderful,” Chuck said hurriedly and nodded at the table. Old Finn looked a touch surprised but said nothing. He poured the tea into fine china cups and cut a large slice of the coffee cake for Chuck.
“Now tell me what you think of my cake? Butter icing or your marzipan?” He looked so smug that Chuck immediately said “marzipan” though he’d barely tasted it. He wasn’t about to admit defeat, no siree. He tried the cheesecake and a little of the pecan pie. Everything tasted delicious and in his heart he knew that he would now make coffee cake with butter icing and throw away the marzipan.
“Real nice of you to invite me, though you needn’t have gone to so much trouble.” Chuck was even beginning to get a warm feeling about old Finn.
“No trouble, no trouble at all Chuck. Oh, let me open this parcel now. The curiosity is killing me.”
Old Finn tore open the parcel and revealed a book entitled ‘How to do things the right way’. A picture of Chuck was on the front cover and inside was scrawled ‘To my neighbour, old Finn. There’s a wrong way and there’s a right way, that’s Chuck’s way. There is no better way.’ Old Finn threw back his head and laughed. “Why thank you Chuck but I don’t need this,” he exclaimed and threw it over his shoulder.
Chuck had never been so humiliated in his life. The next evening all the neighbours went round to Old Finn’s for a party. Old Finn wanted to thank them for helping him set up Chuck, with the hedge, the boat, the front yard and the tea. Many hands certainly make light work. Everyone wanted to thank old Finn for getting Chuck off his high horse. That little neighbourhood became a much nicer place to live in as I hear Chuck has stopped offering his unwanted advice. As for old Finn - he moved away, nobody knows where. Maybe he’s moved in next to you. I hope you don’t have any unpleasant habits that upset the good folk around you!