Alexander and the Phoenician Bird

[Youssef Salameh]

Alexander and the Phoenician bird
Alexander of Macedonia sat in the midst of the desert with its hot scorching sun, pushing his shield about heaven to protect him from the blazing sun. And with his sword, he charted on the sand the next war’s strategy.
And suddenly he heard a loud scream; as he turned his head upwards he saw an eagle which had been entrapped by the rays which were reflected by his shield towards the infinite space. And in few moments that eagle was transformed into a Phoenician bird, attracting Alexander by (its) luminous rays of light.
Suddenly the doomsday appeared before him, to find that what he drew on the ground has become ruins of stony soldiers, where he was in their middle. As for his spirit it landed in a new world where God almighty sheltered him in for a while as a mercy.
Written By Youssef Salameh
23/11/2011

[hillwalker]

It started reasonably well (though we have 'hot scorching sun' and 'blazing sun' in the same sentence and the second paragraph is clumsily expressed).

But then it seemed to fall apart. It's as if you spent two or three minutes to write the first two paragraphs then only had ten seconds left in which to write the rest. It's dreadfully rushed and makes no sense whatsoever without more information than you give us here.

H