This is a Poem not about You

[hallaig]

Thank God, a poem that’s not about you,
I had begun to think the worst,
but this is a poem about clouds or ducks
and most certainly not about you,
maybe streets in fact, I’m not sure,
they look so empty and grey. What a relief,
not thinking about you on an empty grey street.
My chair is creaking, that’s amusing in the way
poems used to be when they weren’t about you.
All we need is a laugh, really, and the rain is easing
down the faces of windows not like pearls
but tears and that’s not about you either.

[DieterM]

I like this very much! In my current, musical 80s-nostalgia, it reminds me somehow of PIL's "This is not a love song". And there's another poem by a German woman, sorry, I seem to be unable to come up with her name or that of the poem right now, but it was one of my favourite poems, in the same vein as yours, i.e. a not-about-you poem, sort of a "I don't love you"-love poem.

[Anton Hermes]

Very sly, surprising, and touching.

Well done.

[ennison]

These clouds ... Are they in the coffee?

[Hawkman]

I love this poem hallaig, but I would take a look at the punctuation. For example, the first line is a complete statement and could end with a full stop. Likewise I'd put a full stop at the end of line 4. I'd put a semi colon after creaking in L8. There is scope to adjust the line breaks if you were so minded, but this isn't essential. You might have made more of the ducks, having mentioned them; but again, this would probably just be padding the poem out. A very enjoyable piece to read.

Live and be well -H

[hillwalker]

Agree with all of the above - reminding me also of 10cc's 'I'm Not In Love'

H

[Bar22do]

This is classy, disarming. A wonderful poem, so very enjoyable, especially since it's neither about her, nor about love...!:nono: Thanks a lot, hallaig!

[Buh4Bee]

Much enjoyed, on a great topic that is not LOVE!

[Jerrybaldy]

This isnt a reply to your poem. I just ended up on this part of the forum as I was wandering around. I did not love it or read it several times. I did not wish I had wrote it.

I didnt admire it I was merely passing.

[AuntShecky]

This one is elegant in its simplicity. Maybe the best one you've done so far! I love it!

PS> Did you catch the irony in JB's reply above? His comment captures the spirit of your poem exactly. Very, very clever!

[Delta40]

Wonderfully Deceptive. Think it could be worked better given your skill and Scots humour Hallaig