At Sunset

[Bar22do]

A ripple of coral-purplish air
crosses the oily sea
where the day turns the page.

The seabed licks the wounds -
stone words you threw
I hurried to drown.

A nightdrop hangs on my eyelash,
swelling,
a black curtain swallows us.

(The Dead Sea, November 3, 2012)

[hillwalker]

Love the line 'where the day turns the page' but not sure whether 'the seabed licks the wounds' is part of the same metaphor (it being carried into a new stanza) and if so quite how that might work.

Certainly one to savour all the same.

H

[WolfLarsen]

"Stone words you threw" is my favorite line.

[Bar22do]

Thanks hill and Wolf for your feedbacks. The sea bed licking the wounds kind of juxtaposes S1's event (have edited punctuation, hopefully it helps).

[E.A Rumfield]

My favorite line as well is where the day turns the page. It is at the sea where the horizon seems endless.

[Bar22do]

Thanks a lot Rumfield.

[Buh4Bee]

I agree, the first stanza is marvelous.

[MystyrMystyry]

The seabed licks the wounds -
stone words you threw
I hurried to drown

So is the second :)

[Bar22do]

So, no one likes my third? :sad:, well, perhaps it's bad, simply. Thanks Buh and Mystyr for liking bits! and for your kind reading.

[Haunted]

Me!! Love where the day turns the page but love the tearing metaphor in S3 even more!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Love the poem Bar. IMHO ( copyright you :) ) S3 would be better with a single swelling. I don't think the repetition helps. The repetition forces you to dwell on the word, where as on its own, with a line all to itself, we would notice less but it would have the same effect. I refer back to my opening statement though :)

[Bar22do]

Thanks Haunted and Jerry (you're perfectly right, the repetition is superfluous, gone! thanks for your critque eye! )