Christmas Humour # 1

[Biggus]

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1

I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop

FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING

For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school

CHRISTMAS MANIA

Uncle John has mental health issues
And he doesn’t do well with stress
So normally come Christmas time
He has to board the bi-polar express

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R

After circumnavigating the globe
Staring at the back end of Prancer
Santa Claus really looks forward
To watching a north pole dancer

HANDLE MUM WITH CARE

Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas
And you upset her if you dare
Because the result could be that you will
Be hung from the chimney with care

SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE

Santa Claus is in trouble
He’s been up to his old tricks again
When the Christmas fairy was found
Licking his candy cane

SANTA’S HELPER

Santa has helpers at Christmas
To get him through the season
Then he rests pretty much until Easter
He claims fatigue is the reason
And he is unable to fulfil his duties
Satisfying his cute little yelper
So he bought Mrs Claus a new toy
To make his neglected wife purr
It came with plenty of batteries
Its known as Santa Big helper

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN

After circumnavigating the globe
The reins of his sleigh in his hand
The only thought on his mind
Is his wife’s winter wonderland

WANTED: SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER

It wasn’t efficiency
Santa wanted from his helper
He preferred them to be
A barker and a yelper
But then the vacancy was for
Santa’s slutty little helper

RUDOLF’S LOW SELF ESTEEM

Rudolf suffered
From low self esteem
Due to the red nose
It would seem

It rendered him useless
As a parcel carrier
So Santa made a call
To a reindeer whisperer

[hillwalker]

First the big supermarket chains - then Biggus. What a depressing thought that there'll be TV adverts stuffing Christmas down our throats soon, long before this month is over.

Easter eggs anyone?

H

[Biggus]

The Grinch lives

[hillwalker]

Only kidding B. At least I responded.

H

[AuntShecky]

Oh, it's just a little too early, Biggus. Right now I'm supposed to be preparing for Thanksgiving -- an American holiday which requires an intense effort for food preparation, and at this point, I don't even have a ride to the grocery story yet!
Even so, these little ditties were enjoyable; "Christmas Mania" was the best of the lot.

[YesNo]

I liked THE BIG FELLA’S R & R and HANDLE MUM WITH CARE. :)

[Biggus]

Thanks all