Delicious Disturbance

[krishna_lit]

I want you to disturb me,
like a cool breeze
that disturbs the sleep of trees,
like the first breath
that disturbs the baby's rest in the womb,
like a ray of bright sunlight
that disturbs the darkness at dawn
like a refreshing rain
that disturbs the stagnancy of a pond,
and like a lot more such beautiful happenings,
I want you to disturb me, deliciously...

[hillwalker]

Nice idea - but the closing two lines spoil it in my opinion.

After 4 poetical images you reduce the poem to a rather weak, almost sickly request...
'deliciously' isn't necessary at all because we get the idea that this is a love poem.
The writer wants the object of his desire to 'disturb' him. We know what he means.

The same goes for the title - it gives the game away even before the poem begins.

PS - 'breathe' in line 4 should be 'breath'

H

[cafolini]

I want you to disturb me,
like a cool breeze
that disturbs the sleep of trees,
like the first breathe
that disturbs the baby's rest in the womb,
like a ray of bright sunlight
that disturbs the darkness at dawn
like a refreshing rain
that disturbs the stagnancy of a pond,
and like a lot more such beautiful happenings,
I want you to disturb me, deliciously...

So you want to be diturbed; left deliciously disturbed. LMAO:conehead:

[krishna_lit]

PS - 'breathe' in line 4 should be 'breath'

H

Thank u about that buddy... I always confuse myself about this..

[miyako73]

Krishna, now this is a poem.

[krishna_lit]

Krishna, now this is a poem.

Thank you :)