Below Sea Level

[Bar22do]

patches of night yellow
between the moon
and the crop
of his wiry hair

the air -
too sulphurous
not to know



(the Dead Sea, November 3, 2012)

[Delta40]

not to call.....?

An excellent hanging line Bar!

[Bar22do]

Thanks Delta, - the meaning was meant to be "not to predict/guess/understand"... perhaps "know" reads less cryptic? Good to have your feedback.

[aliengirl]

'Patches of night yellow' in the first stanza and 'sulphurous' in the second one strike a good balance. Thanks for sharing Bar. :)

[hillwalker]

One of your better ones - summing up so much in so few words.

H

[Twota]

awesome :3 also loved the crop of his wiry hair. :D

[Bar22do]

alien, Hill and Twota, thanks a lot for your good feedbacks on this little one, born by the Dead Sea's springs...

[DieterM]

21 words (if I counted right), and a whole world within. There's no mention of sound or smells yet it's as if I had both of them in ears and nose. Really athmospheric, Bar22do! TY for sharing!

[Bar22do]

21 words (if I counted right), and a whole world within. There's no mention of sound or smells yet it's as if I had both of them in ears and nose. Really athmospheric, Bar22do! TY for sharing!

21 words indeed! so glad they conveyed the atmosphere! Thank you for reading and commenting, Dieter.

[Haunted]

Bar, first stanza carries every bit of your soft and beautiful signature style; but don't know about "not to know"... It's probably just me, as long as it feels right to you, that's all it matters.

[Bar22do]

Bar, first stanza carries every bit of your soft and beautiful signature style; but don't know about "not to know"... It's probably just me, as long as it feels right to you, that's all it matters.

Thank you for your frank comment, Haunted. I hoped the title, the yellowing sky and the sulphurous air would guide the reader, but it wasn't enough for you, I'm afraid... I must work on my pieces better.

[blazeofglory]

Brutally enticing

[Bar22do]

Brutally enticing

Oh, ah! Glad it was an experience, Blaze!

[Haunted]

Thank you for your frank comment, Haunted. I hoped the title, the yellowing sky and the sulphurous air would guide the reader, but it wasn't enough for you, I'm afraid... I must work on my pieces better.

Bar, it's not you its me. I don't always get it right. Depends on how much screwdriver is in my system :D This poem is so you, and I don't have to "get" every single one (my own limitation I'm afraid) so go with it.

[kittypaws]

my read on this....
night yellow means to me fire in the distance
between the moon and crop is from the sky to the earth
his wiry hair is the connection
the air with sulfurous is explosive.
what should we know.

Bar I luv your poetry and everyone reads something different into a write.
I just wanted to share with you what I took from your poem.

isn't that the magic of poetry?

Below Sea Level for the title...have you been watching the documentation on aliens living under the sea....i am not joking....just asking.
Perhaps I am watching too many of them!

I enjoyed it!

kittypaws

[Bar22do]

Haunted, you're always so perceptive, I know I need to improve clarity when you don't "get" it. So, in the contrary, you're helping me with your honest comment. Thanks again!!!

Kitty, glad you enjoyed it. I spent a day by the Dead Sea (which, at certain places is over 400 m below sea level, it's a depression) where this poem (and another two) was born... hence "below sea level". As for underwater life, the Dead Sea couldn't even suit aliens themselves I suppose (too dense with minerals, one can only float on the surface)!